Tommy Jokes / Recent Jokes

All the boys and girls in Mrs. Dovers class are drawing. Mrs. Dover came over to Tommy and said, "What picture are you drawing?"
Tommy said, "A cow eating grass."
"Ok, where's the grass?"
"The cow ate it all."
"Ok, where's the cow?"
"It went to go look for more grass."

A stranger was seated next to Little Tommy on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Tommy, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," said Little Tommy. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea.""Well, then," said Little Tommy, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?"

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours? ” asked the first boy. “Tommy, ” replied the second. “My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living? ” asked Billy.
Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer. ” “Honest? ” asked Billy. “No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.

A seven year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher:

Teacher: "Morning Tommy, and why weren't you at school yesterday?"

Tommy: "Well Miss, my Granddad got burnt."

Teacher:"Oh Dear, he wasn't too badly hurt I hope?"

Tommy: "Oh yes, Miss. They don't mess around at those crematoriums."

What do Tommy Lee and Saddam Hussein have in common?
They're both well hung!
(A JakesJokes.com original...)