Tommy Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, want to play house?"

He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"

The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your feelings."

"Communicate my feelings?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means."

The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."

Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil: A teacher.
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Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
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Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
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Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."
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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a more...

Teacher: Tommy Russell, youre late again. Tommy: Sorry, sir. Its my bus - its always coming late. Teacher: Well, if its late again tomorrow, catch an earlier one.

Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, "What's that, Miss?" Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your Daddy calls Mummy, Tommy." Tommy thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not stupid Miss, I know that ain't a fucking pig!"

My Dear Husband,

I am sending you this letter via this BBS communications thing, so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your computer entered our lives TWO YEARS AGO. The children are doing well. Tommy is seven now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project, all the figures were good, and the back of your head is very realistic. You should be very proud of him.

Little Jennifer turned three in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jenny, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.

I am doing well. I went blonde about a year ago, and discovered that it really is more fun! George, I mean, Mr. Wilson, more...

Little Tommy Was The Quietest Boy In School. He Never Answered Any Questions But His Homework Was Always Quite Excellent. If Any One Said Anything To Him He Would Simply Nod, Or Shake His Head. The Staff Thought He Was Shy And Decided To Do Something To Give Him Confidence.
"Tommy," Said His Teacher. "I've Just Bet Miss Smith $5 I Can Get You To Say Three Words. You Can Have Half."
Tommy Looked At Her Pityingly And Said, "You Lose."

Once A Man Sees An Old Man Taking His 3 Most Beautiful Dogs Out For A Walk. He Goes Up To The Man And Asks: Hello! Sir. Your
Dogs Are Very Beautiful. What Are Their Names? The Owner Of The Dogs Replies: Ramu, Hari And Sonu. First Man: That Is Great.
And What Is Your Name? Owner: Tommy!