Tommy Jokes / Recent Jokes

A distraught mum rushed into the back yard, where eight-year-old Tommy was banging on the bottom of an old upturned tin bath with a poker. "What do you think youre doing?" she demanded. "Im just entertaining the baby," explained Tommy. "Where is the baby?" asked his Mum. "Under the bath."

Tommy's house is packed with relatives for Christmas dinner. Grandpa calls 6 year old Tommy and starts asking about school, girlfriends and other stuff he can think of. After a while, grandpa notices that Tommy is losing interest in the conversation so he pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him interested. A ten and a twenty-dollar bill. He shows both bills to Tommy and tells him that he can keep any one he chooses. Tommy reaches over and grabs the ten-dollar bill.



Grandpa pretty surprised and upset about the unwise decision his grandchild made, pulls out another ten dollar bill to see if it was a mistake. Again, he tells Tommy to take one of the bills and keep it. Tommy grabs the other ten. Grandpa again is surprised and upset. He takes Tommy over to one of the uncles and shows him how dumb Tommy is in choosing the ten over the twenty. Grandpa goes on and on showing every uncle and cousin and each time Tommy chooses the ten over the more...

Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, "The 10 Most Wanted." One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman, "the detectives want him very badly." So Little Tommy asked, while tugging on the man's belt, "Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?"

Teacher: Tommy you try my patience! Tommy: No, teacher you had better try mine. There's more of it!

A businessman was talking with his barber, when they both noticed a goofy-looking fellow bouncing down the sidewalk. The barber whispered, "That's Tommy, one of the stupidest kids you'll ever meet. Here, I'll show you."

"Hey Tommy! Come here!" yelled the barber. Tommy came bouncing over "Hi, Mr. Williams!" The barber pulled out a rusty dime and a shiny quarter and told Tommy he could keep the one of his choice. Tommy looked long and hard at the dime and quarter and then quickly snapped the dime from the barber's hand. The barber looked at the businessman and said, "See, I told you."

After his haircut, the businessman caught up with Tommy and asked him why he chose the dime.

Tommy looked at him in the eye and said, "If I take the quarter, the game is over."

"I bet that India would win against Pakistan and lost Rs 1,000." Tommy told Rob.
"Hey, you bet Rs 1,000 for a single match?" Rob exclaimed.
"No Man, I bet Rs 500 on that match." Tommy replied.
"So, what happened to the other Rs 500?" Rob asked.
"My Friend, I bet on the highlights too." Tommy replied.

Two Mississippians, Billy Ray and Tommy Joe, are walking towards each other and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, Billy Rae asks, "Hey Tommy Joe, what'cha got in th' bag?"
"Jus' some chickens," says Tommy Joe.
"If I guesses how many, can I have one?" asks Billy Ray.
"Shoot," says Tommy Joe, "ya guesses right and I'll give you both of 'em."
"Ummmmmmm, five?" says Billy Ray.