Tommy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, "The 10 Most Wanted."
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman, "the detectives want him very badly."
So Little Tommy asked, while tugging on the man's belt, "Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?"
For weeks a little boy kept telling his teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. Then one day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The boy was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
Tired of having to stare at the luscious young kitten on the other side of the chain link fence, bold Tommy Tomcat decided to visit her one day. Settling back on his haunches, he gave a mighty leap and landed on the other side; impressed, the lovely cat sauntered over.
"That was quite a leap," she remarked. "Want to go somewhere and cuddle?"
"Afraid not," said Tommy, a pained expressions on his face. "The fence was higher than I thought."
Tommy Shaughnessy enters the confessional box and says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.
"Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest more...
Tommy Shaughnessy enters the confessional box and says,
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well
tell me now.
Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not tell her name."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
Shaughnessy, and I more...
Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, "The 10 Most Wanted." One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person." Yes," said the policeman, "the detectives want him very badly." So Little Tommy asked, while tugging on the man's belt, "Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?"
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
“My name is Billy. What’s yours? ” asked the first boy.
“Tommy, ” replied the second. “My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living? ” asked Billy.
Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer. ”
“Honest? ” asked Billy.
“No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.