Tommy Jokes / Recent Jokes

The teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when they grew up. A chorus of responses came from all over the room.

"A football player,"

"A doctor,"

"An astronaut,"

"The president,"

"A fireman,"

"A teacher,"

"A race car driver."

Everyone that is, except Tommy.

The teacher noticed he was sitting there quiet and still. So she said to him, "Tommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Possible" Tommy replied.

"Possible?" asked the teacher.

"Yes," Tommy said. "My mom is always telling me I'm impossible. So when I get to be big, I want to be possible."

TO MY DARLING HUSBAND,
I'm sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so you'll be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what's been going on since your computer entered our lives two years ago.
The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good, but yours was excellent! The chair and back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud of him. Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jen despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.
I am doing well. I went blond about a year ago and was delighted to discover that it really was more fun.
I discovered that the more...

One day, little Tommy wanders into the local brothel, dragging a dead frog on a piece of string along behind him (FX: thud thud thud etc.) He goes up to the woman at the front and says "Please, Miss, I'd like a girl please." "Go home, sonny" replies the proprietor, not unkindly, "you're too young yet for this."
Tommy reaches into his pocket and drags out a $50 note which he slaps on the desk and beams brightly. "Up the stairs, 3rd door on the right" comes the reply as the $50 vanishes.
Tommy starts to climb the stairs, (Thud thud etc.) when he runs back again. "I forgot, this girl has got to have active herpes!" he cries. "No way kid, all our girls are clean!" Tommy reaches into the other pocket and another $50 appears. "Ahh, last door on the left..." he is told. Tommy climbs the stairs, still dragging the dead frog on the string (thud thud thud), and some time later reappears. He waves to the woman at the more...

Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, "Bless mefather for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The Priest says, "Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says "Yes father, it's me." The Priest says "Who was the woman you were with?" Tommy says "I cannot tell you, father, because I don't wantto ruin her reputation." The priest asks, "Was it Brenda O'Malley?" Tommy replies "No, father." The priest asks, "Was it Fiona MacDonald?" Tommy replies "No." The priest asks, "Was it Ann Brown?" Tommy replies "No." The priest asks, "Was it Mary Elizabeth O'Shea?" Tommy replies "No, father." The priest asks, "Was it Amy Thomas?" Tommy replies "No, father." The priest asks, "Was it little Cathy Morgan?" Tommy replies "NO father! I cannot tell you." The priest finally says, "Tommy, I admire your perseverance, but you must atone more...

Tired of having to stare at the luscious young kitten on the other side of the chain link fence, bold Tommy Tomcat decided to visit her one day. Settling back on his haunches, he gave a mighty leap and landed on the other side; impressed, the lovely cat sauntered over.
"That was quite a leap," she remarked. "Want to go somewhere and cuddle?"
"' Fraid not," said Tommy, a pained expression on his face. "The fence was higher than I thought."

My Dear Husband,
I am sending you this letter via this BBS communications thing, so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your computer entered our lives TWO YEARS AGO. The children are doing well. Tommy is seven now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project, all the figures were good, and the back of your head is very realistic. You should be very proud of him.
Little Jennifer turned three in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jenny, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.
I am doing well. I went blonde about a year ago, and discovered that it really is more fun! George, I mean, Mr. Wilson, the department head, more...

My Dear Husband, I am sending you this letter via this BBS communications thing, so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your computer entered our lives TWO YEARS AGO. The children are doing well. Tommy is seven now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project, all the figures were good, and the back of your head is very realistic. You should be very proud of him. Little Jennifer turned three in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jenny, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out. I am doing well. I went blonde about a year ago, and discovered that it really is more fun! George, I mean, Mr. Wilson, the department head, has taken an more...