Tommy Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day John came home with an unusual purchase. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5: 30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.' Why are you late? Where have you been?' asked his mum, Katie., Tommy answered,' Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project.' The robot then walked up to Tommy and slapped him.,
'Son,' said John,' this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'' We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.' What did you watch?' asked Katie.' The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy. Again robot went around to Tommy and slapped him.
With his lips quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said,' I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called' Sex Queen.'' I am ashamed of you son,' said John.' When I was your age, I never lied to my parents' The robot then walked around to John and delivered more...

Billy was so excited about his first day of school that a few minutes after class started, he realized he had to go to the bathroom. He raised his hand and asked if he could be excused. The teacher gave her approval, but asked that he please be quick.
A few minutes later, Billy returned to class looking embarrassed and desperate. "I can't find it," he told the teacher. The teacher sat Billy down, drew him a diagram to show where to go and asked if he thought he would be able to find it now. He looked at the diagram and told the teacher yes.
Five minutes later, Billy returned and said, "I can't find it." Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who had attended the school for awhile, to help Billy find the bathroom.
Some minutes later, they both returned and sat in their seats. The teacher asked Tommy, "Did you find it?"
Tommy was quick to reply, "Sure, he just had his boxers on backwards."

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from. The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree. The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties." "OOOOhhhh" said the little girl. The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?" The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed." The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is..." Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, "Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today."

Hole In The Fence
Little Johnny, Billy and Tommy were walking home from school one warm spring day. As they were cutting through the alleys and backyards, they happened to look through a hole in the fence of one of the yards where a woman was sunbathing in the nude.
As they looked through the hole, Johnny suddenly started to scream, left his friends and took off running for home.
The next day, as the three boys came home again, they found the same hole in the fence and started to watch the woman. Again, after just a few minutes, Johnney started screaming and ran off quickly.
On the third day, the boys were peeping into the hole in the fence again after school, when Johnny turned around and started to run again. But this time, Bill and Tommy grabbed him and demanded to know what was wrong.
Johnny replied, "My mother told me that if I ever looked at a naked woman, I would turn to stone...
And I started to feel a part of me getting awfully hard… "

One day a little girl came running into her house
yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from. The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheels while he sat in the tree." The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your undies?"
"Ohhhh" said the little girl. The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars." The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?" The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is..." Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, "Wait Mommy; I tricked him, I didn't wear any undies today."

Teacher: Tommy Russell, you're late again. Tommy: Sorry, sir. It's my bus - it's always coming late. Teacher: Well, if it's late again tomorrow, catch an earlier one.

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?" He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts." "Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means." The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."