Tonight Jokes / Recent Jokes
(Be read when using the Willy voice in your head)SUBJ: Clinton's Address to the NationText from Clinton's Address to the Nation if he were on truth serum. 10. 16 P. m. ET (0216 GMT) August 17, 1998Good evening. This afternoon in this room, from this chair, in this very spot, I was forced to testify before the Office of Independent Counsel and the grand jury. I answered their questions truthfully whenever there was compelling physical evidence that would contradict my lies, including questions about having sex while watching an intern do kinky things that I now spin as being part of my private life, questions so embarrassing that no American citizen would ever want to answer. Still, the polls indicate that I must take complete responsibility for all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I am speaking to you tonight and not ducking questions while the Marine Band plays loudly and drowns out the media. As you know, in a deposition in January, I was asked questions about my more...
Husband: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Wife: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
Micro was a real-time operator and a dedicated multi-user. His broadband
protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output
devices, even if it meant time-sharing.
One evening he arrived home just as the Sun was crashing, and had parked
his Motorola 68000 in the main drive (he had missed the 5100 bus that
morning), when he noticed an elegant piece of liveware admiring the daisy
wheels in his garden. He though to himself, "She looks user-friendly.
I'll see if she'd like an update tonight."
He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin 32 bit
floating point processors, and inquired, "How are you, Honeywell?"
"Yes, I am well," she responded, batting her optical fibers engagingly and
smoothing her console over her curvilinear functions.
Micro settled for a straight line approximation. "I'm stand-alone
tonight," he said. "How about computing a vector to my more...
A young man took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored." What would you like to do next?" he asked." I wanna be weighed," she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. "One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do." I wanna be weighed," she said. I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?" "Wousy!" said the girl.
Husband: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.Wife: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
The' Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."