Towards Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a man who owned a very large gorilla and, all its life, he'd never left it on its own. There came a time when he had to go on a business trip and had no choice but to leave his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. He explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o'clock. But, he was never, ever, under any circumstance, to touch its fur.
So, the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana. He looked at it for awhile and couldn't understand why he couldn't touch its fur, since there didn't seem to be anything wrong with it. Every day he came in and looked for a little while longer as he still couldn't understand until, about a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla. He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur.
Suddenly, the gorilla went ape wild and started to jump around. Then, it turned more...

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer.
The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game.
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"
The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him - I was just trying to trip him up."

Katz's Law:
Men and women will act rationally towards each other only after all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Churchill's Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
Sattinger's Law:
It works better if you plug it in.
Cahn's Axiom (aka Alien's Axiom):
When all else fails, read the instructions.
Beckhap's Law:
Beauty times brains equals a constant.
Cole's Axiom:
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Jone's Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
The Ultimate Law:
All general statements are false.
Knight's Law:
Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans.
Krueger's Observation:
A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.
Benchley's Law of Distinction:
There are two kinds of more...

Katz's Law:
Men and women will act rationally towards each other only after all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Churchill's Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
Sattinger's Law:
It works better if you plug it in.
Cahn's Axiom (aka Alien's Axiom):
When all else fails, read the instructions.
Beckhap's Law:
Beauty times brains equals a constant.
Cole's Axiom:
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Jone's Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
The Ultimate Law:
All general statements are false.
Knight's Law:
Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans.
Krueger's Observation:
A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.
Benchley's Law of Distinction:
There are two kinds of more...

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer.The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game."What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him - I was just trying to trip him up."

Katz's Law:Men and women will act rationally towards each other only after all other possibilities have been exhausted.Churchill's Commentary on Man:Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.Sattinger's Law:It works better if you plug it in.Cahn's Axiom (aka Alien's Axiom):When all else fails, read the instructions.Beckhap's Law:Beauty times brains equals a constant.Cole's Axiom:The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.Jone's Motto:Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.The Ultimate Law:All general statements are false.Knight's Law:Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans.Krueger's Observation:A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.Benchley's Law of Distinction:There are two kinds of people in the world; those who believe there are two kinds of people and those who don't.Harver's Law:A more...

A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP.... BUMP..... behind him. Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.... BUMP..... BUMP...... BUMP.....

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind. . faster.... faster.... BUMP.... BUMP..... BUMP.......

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with its lid clapping..... clappity-BUMP........ clappity-BUMP. ...... clappity-BUMP..... on the heels of the terrified man.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding, his head is reeling, his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door, bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for more...