Towards Jokes / Recent Jokes

A few terms to help you get started on your merry way towards the ve-nak-u-lar...
"Damn- that s**t is DOPE!"
~~~ That is a wonderful concept/object/action.
"I can't FADE that!"
~~~ I am unable to hande this at this time.
"Shante ain't HAVIN' it!"
~~~ This is not something that Shante will allow to occur.
"Homey-Boo was dropping PHAT beats."
~~~ Our friend Boo was playing some wonderful music.
"YO!- Let me GAFFLE that BLUNT!"
~~~ Might I be able to indulge in your marijuana cigarette?
"JIMMY was on and I was HITTIN' it!"
~~~ I had in my possession a condom, which was used in my engagement of sexual activity.
"What's up? Why you ALL UP IN my s**t!?!"
~~~ Please sir/madam- stay out of my affairs.
"She is HELLA' CLOWIN' you HOMEY!"
~~~ The woman is creatively informing you that her interest in dating you is non-existant at this more...

A guy sitting at an airport bar noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant; but which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and said, "Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, she doesn't work for Delta.

A few seconds later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself and scratched American Airlines off of the list.

Next he tried "I would really love to fly your friendly skies?"

This time the woman barked back at him "Man, what the f... do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, "Ahhh, Air Canada".

[Royters: Dateline Washington]
Joe Motzeratz Reporting
Justice Department Siege Section's Helicopters & Tanks Rolling Towards Redmond
With the clock ticking ever closer to the deadline imposed by the Justice Department and the leaders of the Redmond WA based cult promising a fight to the end, Attorney General Janet Reno has informed the Justice Department's Siege Section to start the helicopters and tanks rolling towards Microsoft's campus in Redmond Washington; as well as cutting off the avenues of escape for Cult Leader Gates to his fortified redoubt on the lake, known as "C:/"..
Attorney General Reno stated that with such a formidable foe as Microsoft, and their response to her edict, that it would have to be a Take No Prisoners operation as the threat to the community at large is even more egregious than the mentally troubled widow in Illinois, and a much greater threat than the situation that first propelled her to prominence.
Apparently, Attorney more...

GUJARATIS have problem pronouncing the word wrap and usually render it rape. Kannadigas go one better; they spell the word the way our gujju friends pronounce it. A Hari Prakash of Bangalore writes of an accountant of a local weekly who, when the publication was delayed, had to hire casual labour to wrap magazines in brown paper for posting. In the cash payment voucher he entered the explanation, "paid to casual labour towards raping charges." "If the work load was heavy, the entry often read, "paid to casual labour towards raping through out the night."

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says: "How is the singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder says: "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how's the golf."
Nicklaus replies: "Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I am still making a bit of money. I have had some problems with my swing but I think I have got that right now."
Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be alright."
Jack Nicklaus says: "You play golf!"
Stevie Wonder says: "Yes, I have been playing for years."
And Nicklaus says: "But I thought you were blind, how can you play golf if you are blind?"
He replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls more...

When society looks towards the lavatory for its humor,
the writing is on the walls.

A young woman is walking through the SafeWay, trying to get something for her dinner. While in the produce aisle, she spots a handsome young man beside her. As she follows him around, she notes the items he has in his cart: Peppered Sausage, Jalepino peppers, Fire Sauce, and Salsa. A few seconds later she follows him down towards the medicine aisle. He pauses thoughtfully, and, as a last thought, pulls a box from the shelf. When he leaves, she pulls up towards the area. The label reads: HeartBurn Relief.