Tower Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot.
The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower
"Help! Help!"
The tower came back and asked, "What's the problem?"
The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!"
The tower comes back and asked, "How do you know you're upside down?"
"Because the shit is running down my back!"

Pilot: Control tower, what time is it?
Control tower: What airline is this?
Pilot: What difference does that make?
Control tower: Well if it is UA, it is 6:00p.m.; if it is TWA, it is 1800 hours; if it is Ozark, the big hand is on the.."

A blind man was travelling in his private jet, when he felt that something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit as quickly as possible, but got no response from his pilot.
Fumbling, he found the radio and called the tower. "Help! Help!" he screamed.
The tower came back and asked, "What's the problem?"
"Help me, please!" the blind man yelled. "I'm blind, my pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!"
"How do you know you're upside down?" the tower controller asked.
"How do I know?" shrieked the blind man. "I know because the shit is running down my back!"

Two guys have spent several months together on a deserted island when a woman happens to wash ashore. They feed her back to health.
Being friends the two guys agree amongst themselves that they won't risk creating a rift, and so won't have sex with the woman. After discussing the future, the woman says they should be keeping a look-out, as she is sure that a search party will come after her.
So they construct a lookout tower on the beach, and plan to stand watch in turns. The first guy goes up the tower and starts looking around.
He then looks down at the other two standing on the beach and shouts down: "Hey, stop making love!!"
"We're not making love" his pal shouts up, "we're just standing here."
"Sure looks as if you're making love from where I stand", the first guy shouts.
This goes on for the rest of the afternoon. The next morning it is the turn of the second guy.
As soon as he is up on the tower, the first guy more...

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, “What time is it? ”
The tower responded, “Who is calling? ”
The aircraft replied, “What difference does it make? ”
The tower replied “It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o’clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it’s Thursday afternoon. ”

Once there was a church that had a bell that no one could ring. One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. So the boy went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell, face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The shocked priest gave him the job. But one Sunday, he ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed and fell off the tower and died. "Congregation," the priest said before the assembled masses. "Does anybody know this boy's name? Because I don't know him, but his face rings a bell."

Things You Wouldn't Know Without The Tube All Of Life's Mysteries Are On TV

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

You're likely to survive any more...