Track Jokes / Recent Jokes

This story was related to me yesterday at lunch by a fellow manager, who
heard it from his dad (guaranteed true...) Phenomenal testimony that
physics shall not be denied, with some small humor value as well.
This story involves railroad cars, Denver and a fascinating gadget used in
auto wrecking yards called a "chipper." Apparently this device is fed
old auto carcasses, and it in turn produces manageable-sized "chips" of
metal.
Seems that on this eventful evening, four gondola cars were filled by a
chipper and headed out of Denver around dusk. Somewhere along the track,
on an uphill grade, something mechanical failed on one of the cars, and
the train pulled to a siding to uncouple it. The dutiful crew chocked
the wheels with rocks, wood chunks, etc. and then proceeded to unhook the
car.
Seems no one had the slightest idea of the mass being packed in that unit,
as the rocks/wood held it in place for about 6 more...

Some non-Christian (but not unChristian) bits of important wisdom for earth dwellers:
Be a Fundamentalist - ensure that the Fun always comes before the Mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be cancelled. A laugh track has been provided and the reason we are put in the material world is to get more material from that track. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, which will ensure regularity.
Remember that each of us has been given a special gift just for entering, so you are already a winner!
The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That's where I tell a vision to you and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're getting, we can change the channel.
Life is like photography - you use the negative to develop. No matter what adversity you face, be reassured: Of course God loves you...
It is true: As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the more...

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"
Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.
"Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into more...

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector. "I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector. "Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?" "In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalized?" "Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle more...

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track.""What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector. "I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom."What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector. "Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.""What if the phone was busy?" "In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station"."What if that had been vandalized?" "Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo."This puzzles the more...

A motorist was driving quietly along the road when, suddenly, his eyes goggled as, believe it or not, he espied a three-legged chook running beside him. It suddenly made a right hand turn, heading up a side track towards a nearby farm house. Intrigued, the motorist decided to follow the chook. At the end of the track, he met a farmer leaning on a gate.

The motorist said, "You probably won? t believe this, but I reckon I saw a three-legged chook running this way."

The farmer was nonchalant in response. "Yep, we breed them here."

"But why?" asked the motorist.

"Well, you see, I like a leg, my wife likes a leg, and me son likes a leg."

"And what do they taste like?"

"Dunno", replied the farmer, "No one can catch the little bastards."

One evening Premadasa is jogging at the Independannce Square Sports Grounds. He sees this beaytiful
whore at the bus stop near the other end og the jogging track and approaches her.
"How much?" asks Premadasa.
"Hundred and fifty ruppees." comes the reply.
"Damn too much, Ten ruppees?" suggests Prem.
"Hundred and Fifty" the lady won't budge. So Prem goes away jogging.
The next evening he sees the same woman at the bus stop.
"How much?" asks Prem thinking that he will get a better deal today.
"Hundred and fifty ruppees." comes the reply.
"No no, too much, Ten ruppees?" suggests Prem.
"Hundred and Fifty" the lady again won't budge. So Prem goes away jogging.
The third evening Hema joins Prem for a jog. Both are jogging along the track and Prem sees the lady
again. This time Prem ignores her (because of the obvious reason that Hema is with him) and more...