Track Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?

Vince, a devout Baptist, loved to sneak away to the racetrack. One day, he was there betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse - a very long shot - won the race. Vince was very anxious to see what the priest did in the next race.
Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the 5th race horses lined up, and place a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Vince made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Vince collected his winning and again anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.
The priest showed, blessed a horse, Vince bet on it, and it won! Vince was elated. As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always more...

Your momma so ugly when she went to the horse track people started placing bets on her.

There was this Hawaiian and fillipino man that wanted to learn how to hunt. So they met this indian man, the indian man took them to a forest and pitched a camp.
The next day they woke up the indian man came back with a huge bear over his shoulder. So the hawaiian and fillipino told the indian man how did you catch that bear the indian said when you go into the forest you look for the track and keep following it and there you will find what you are hunting for, so the hawaiian said my turn to go.
When he went into the forest he came back after two hours with a huge boar. so the fillipino man ask the Hawiian how you caught that Boar he said I did what the Indian said. So the next morning the fillipino got up and said it 's my turn so he went and he saw the biggest track ever so he followed it, after two hours the fillipino never came back then all of a sudden they here the fillopino coming through the bushes all cut up brusded up they asked him what happend he said I did what more...

Top honors for "Human Projectile of the Month" go to an as-of-yet unidentified dude who is also a serious contender for the annual "Darwin Award". That prestigious prize is given posthumously to the person who does the human gene pool the greatest service by removing himself from it in the most extraordinarily stupid fashion. Troopers from the Arizona Highway Patrol got on to this gallant if not brainless form of ballistic research after motorists reported some mysterious scorched and blackened scars on a stretch of deserted highway. The more officers found, the stranger the case got. Here is what they "pieced" together: JATO units are basically huge canisters of solid rocket fuel used to achieve "Jet Assisted Take Off", typically lifting big transport planes into the air from short, rough ground runways, or shooting overloaded planes from the decks of aircraft carriers. They were not, repeat NOT, designed to augment the inherent boost factor of more...

Ed was applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and was told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
When they met, the inspector decided to give Ed a pop quiz. "What would you do if you realized that two trains were headed towards each other on the same track?" the inspector asked.
"I would switch one of the trains to another track," answered Ed.
"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.
"Then, I would run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there," a confident Ed replied.
"What if that lever had been struck by lightning?" the inspector challenged.
"In that case," Ed continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?" the inspector asked.
"Well, then I would run to the street level and use the public phone near the station," Ed argued.
"What if it had been more...

Did you hear about the UCLA track star who won a gold medal? He was so proud of it that he had it bronzed.