Trees Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: Why do they have trees in Paris?
A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun.
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer`s more...
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems more...
Why do pigs run into trees? To shake out the alligators. I've never seen an alligator In a tree. That's because the pigs do such a good job.
This (Blonde) fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some
trees in his backyard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about
various chainsaws.
The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why
don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get
the top-of- the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred
cords of wood for you in one day."
So, the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the
trees.After cutting for several hours and only cutting two
cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong
with the chainsaw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two
cords?" the man asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the
morning and cut all day," the man tells himself.
So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and
cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only
manages to cut five cords.
The man is convinced this is a bad more...
An Indian who just came from India walks into a hardware store and asks to see the chain saws. Picking up one, he asked the store clerk, "How many trees will this one cut in an hour?" "Oh, that one will cut about five good sized trees in an hour," replied the clerk. "What about this one?" asked the Indian. The clerk replied, "That's an intermediate model which cuts around ten trees." "And this one?" asked the Indian. "That's our best model. It should cut at least 20 trees in an hour," said the clerk "I'll take it!" said the Indian. Two days later, the Indian returns to the store and angrily states, "Hey, this saw is terrible. I could only cut three trees in one hour with it!" The clerk says, "Gee, I don't understand that. This is the best chainsaw we carry. Wait a minute while I check it out." The clerk pulled on the starter rope and the saw immediately activated with a loud roar.' Hey," more...
A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical devices. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.
And the # ONE reason Christmas Trees are better than women
A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.