Trees Jokes / Recent Jokes

Did you hear about the trees birthday? It was a sappy one!

It was getting a little crowded in heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy.
The new law was that, in order to get into heaven, you had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
The next day at 12:01, the first person comes to the gates of heaven.
The angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly says to the man,
'Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died.'
'No problem,' the man says. 'I came home to my 25th floor apartment in my lunch hour and caught my wife half-naked and appearing to be having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give
up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!
'Well, I ran out onto the more...

There was this blonde that was in a car crash
but she was unscathed, when the police man came he asked what happened she said well I was driving along the road when this tree popped up so I swirved to dodge it then I saw another tree so I dodged it and I kept dodging these trees that were popping up, suddenely the police man interupted her and said mam I hate to interupt but those were not trees that was your pine scented air freshener dangling back and forth

A cop is driving and a blonde is driving past him and all of a sudden she starts to swerve in and out of the lanes. The cop pulls her over and walks up to the car and says, "Mam, why are you swerving so much." And the blonde says "im trying to dodge all the trees." the cop looks around and says that there arent any trees around. So he looks in her car and looked back at her and says, "mam thats your car freshener."

In Italy they have no Christmas trees, instead they decorate small
wooden pyramids with fruit.

In Caracas, the capital city of Venezuela, it is customary for the
streets to be blocked off on Christmas eve so that the people can
roller-skate to church.

An artificial spider and web are often included in the decorations
on Ukrainian Christmas trees. A spider web found on Christmas
morning is believed to bring good luck.

It is a British Christmas tradition that a wish made while mixing
the Christmas pudding will come true only if the ingredients are
stirred in a clockwise direction.

A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a
pig prepared with mustard.

Sending red Christmas cards to anyone in Japan constitutes bad
etiquette, since funeral notices there are customarily printed in
red.

In Norway on Christmas Eve, all the brooms in the house are hidden more...

A businessman was attending a conference in Africa. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of golf. He was directed to a golf course in the nearby jungle. After a short journey, he arrived at the course and asked the pro if he could to play.

"Sure," said the Pro, " But what's your handicap?"

Not wanting to admit that he had an 18 handicap, he decided to cut it a bit. "Well, it's 16," said the businessman,"But what's the relevance since I'll be playing alone."

"No, it's very important for us to know," said the pro who then called a caddy. "Go out with this gentleman," said the Pro, "his handicap is 16." The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap. The caddy picked up the businessman's bag and a large rifle; again the businessman was surprised but decided to ask no questions.

They arrived on the 1st hole, a par 4. "Please avoid more...

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters? They both drop their needles!