Trooper Jokes / Recent Jokes

A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested.

"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.

"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.

"No you weren't!" the trooper said.

With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."

A state trooper is driving down the highway when he sees a truck driver pull over,
walk to the side of the truck with a tire jack, bang on the side of the truck a few times, and then drive away. A couple of miles down the road the driver does the same thing.
A few more miles, same thing. The trooper pulls the truck over and asks the driver to explain. The driver says, "Well, the load limit is ten tons, and I`m carrying fifteen tons of parakeets, so I`ve got to keep some of them flying around."

A Highway Patrolman started creeping up on a highway speeder when it was evident that the individual being pursued realized there was a Highway Patrolman behind him and he stepped on the gas to out run the cruiser. The trooper turned on his beacons and siren and after a brief chase, the individual realized that he could not outrun the cruiser and decided it would be best if he just pulled over to the side and just give up. The Trooper pulled up behind the speeder and then walked up to the driver's side window. He said, "Sir, why were you trying to out-run me?" "You knew it would end this way." The speeder said, "Officer, please understand, I meant you no disrespect, but my wife ran off with a Highway Patrolman last month and I thought you were bringing her back."

A Georgia State Trooper pulls over a pickemup on I-75.
He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, " 'Bout what? "

This story was told to me by a family friend who is an Illinois State
Trooper. One day he was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When
he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone
at a chicken place getting into his car. He placed the bucket of chicken
on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still atop his car.
So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a community service
by giving the driver his chicken. So he pulled him over, walked up to the car,
pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver looks
at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just bought some."
Dave Vollman - AT&T Bell Laboratories - Naperville, IL

A blond had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"

"Yes officer, I'm just fine!" the blond chirped.

"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blond began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...

"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this more...

Two men were driving through Georgia when they got pulled over by a State Trooper.
The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick.
The driver rolled down the window and WHACK, the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick.
"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.
"You're in Georgia, son," the trooper answered.
"When we pull you over in Georgia, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."
"I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, he's clean and gives the guy his license back.
The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.
The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
"What'd you do that for?" the passenger demands.
"Just making your wish come more...