Trunk Jokes / Recent Jokes
MICROSOFT:' If G.M. had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got one-thousand miles to the gallon.'
GENERAL MOTORS:' Perhaps, but if G.M. had developed technology the same way Microsoft has, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. You would just accept this, repair the damage and drive on.
2. Every time the lines were repainted on the road, you would have to buy a new car. You would accept this too.
3. Occasionally, but most often during rush-hour or when you are running late, your car would just die on the freeway for no apparent reason. Again, you would just accept this, re-start, and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a normal maneuver, such as a left turn, will cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart. In such cases you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. more...
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has
the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's title for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it,
I think I saw the owner's title in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK? !?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.
The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain
approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was more...
A five year old boy was living with his mother, as his parents had divorced. One Sunday, she decided to take him to the zoo for the first time in his life. As they passed the various assortment of animals, she would tell the little boy what they were called and make him repeat it. After the lions, gorillas, giraffes and bears, they came upon the elephant exhibit.
"That's an elephant", the mother said.
After the child repeated after her, he asked, "Mommy? What's that thing hanging down from the elephant?"
The mother replied, "That's his trunk, sweetheart."
"No, no", said the child, "Behind that!"
"Oh, that's his tail", she said.
"No, no!" the boy exclaimed. "That thing in the middle!"
The woman was flustered and replied, "Uhhhh, that's nothing, honey!" And they moved on...
The next weekend, the boy's father came to pick him up and the child cried, "Daddy, let's more...
A man going down the highway is pulled over by a cop for speeding, the officer said can i see your license the man in the car says sorry i dont have my license i stole this car, then the officer said can i look in the trunk, the man replies no theres a dead body of a lady in there, the officer said theres a dead lady in the trunk? the man replies yes, the officer says what did u use to kill her? the man replies the gun in my glove capartment. The officer calls for backup and when it comes they check out the license plates of the mans car its his car, they check his glove capartment theres no gun, and they check the trunk and theres no body, the officer walks up to the man and the man replies so i betcha that lieing son of a b*tch told you i was speeding to?
What's gray, has four legs, and a trunk?
A mouse on vacation.
Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting mypenis erect, can you help me?"After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well theproblem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penisare damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you except ifyou're willing to try an experimental treatment."Jack asks sadly, "What is this treatment?" "Well," the doctorexplains, "what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of ababy elephant and implant them in your penis."Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, lets go forit."A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light touse his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for hisgirl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in thecity. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legsthat continued to the point of more...
One day, a recently married man goes to the attic of his new home to put a few things in storage. While he is there, he notices a large steamer trunk sitting in the corner. When he tries to open it, he finds it is locked. Puzzled and curious, he calls his new bride up to the attic and asks her about the trunk.
She tells him that it is hers and that it only contains some personal things. He accepts her answer and eventually forgets all about the matter.
Three years later when he is cleaning out the attic, he runs across the trunk and again asks his wife what's in it. She again tells him that it contains only personal things, but this time he is more persistent. So she sits him down and reminds him that she makes him happy when he's feeling down, that she keeps the house meticulously clean, that she
cooks him fantastic meals 7 days a week, and that she gives him all the sex he wants, anytime he wants it. Then she tells him if he is happy with all of those things, that he more...