Tuba Jokes / Recent Jokes
These two tuba players walk past a bar... Well, it could happen!
One day a man walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender asked him what he wanted and he said a double stoley.After a while the man was about as drunk as u can get so he asked where the bathroom was. The bartender replied "
2nd door on the left."
So he ran upstairs and took the first one to the left. As he walked in he noticed a gold figure in front of him.
The next day the man came back to the bar and said to the bartender "
I cant belive you have a golden tuba."
The bartender then yelled across room "
Hey Frank, I found the guy that took a shit in your tuba"
TUBA: This is a sonic weapon that when set off can produce sub sonic tones causing a general feeling of uneasiness and queasiness to those within its effective range. In addition, one may attach a sousaphone to a marching column of soldiers. As all tubists drag, the ever-slowing performance of um-pahs will eventually reduce the marching soldiers to a snail's pace causing them to be late for a battle or not arrive at all. The most effective countermeasure is to feed the tubist with great quantities of beer (imports if you have them). It won't improve his playing but makes him more enjoyable to be around.
Q: What is the range of a tuba? A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm. Q: What's a tuba for? A: 1 1/2 X 3 1/2. Q: There are two tubaplayers sitting in a car. Who's driving? A: The policemanTuba Player: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so. Q: How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three: one to hold the bulb and two to drink until the room spins. Q: How do you fix a broken tuba? A: With a "tuba glue."
Q: What is the range of a tuba? A: Twenty yards if youve got a good arm.
Q: How do you get two piccolos to play a perfect unison?
A: Shoot one.
Q: What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe..
Q: What do you call an oboist who is deaf?
A: Principal.
Q: How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he gyrates so much he'll fall off the ladder.
Q: What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Q: What do a clarinet and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Q: What's the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
Q: What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What's the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?
A: You can tune the lawnmower.
Q: If you were lost in the woods, who more...