Turkey Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
One day, a young boy heard his parents having an argument. While they were arguing, the boy heard his mom call his dad a bastard, and his dad call his mom a bitch. After they were done, he asked his mom what a bastard was and she replied by saying it was a boy. He then asked his dad what a bitch was and he replied that it was a girl.
That night, the boy heard them having sex and also heard them say tit and dick. The next day, which happened to be Thanksgiving, he asked his dad what a tit was and his father said it was a hat. Then he asked his mom what a dick was and she said it was a coat.
A short time later, when he entered the kitchen, his mother was stuffing the turkey, cut her finger and said, "Fuck!" So, the boy asked what fuck was and the mother said, "It's what I'm doing to this turkey."
Then, he was watching his father shave his beard. His father cut himself and said, "Shit!" The boy asked his father what shit was and the father more...
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: To prove he wasnt chicken.
HOLIDAY RECIPE:
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of Scotch
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of Scotch
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more Scotch's of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 Scotch's of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Scotch another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of Scotchey
Step 13: Bake the Scotch for 4 hours
Step 14: Pour another Scotch of glassey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of Botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out
1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are Thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more.
3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.
4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.
5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the Turkey was past expiration date. You were worried for nothing."
A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class
NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.
Jason - Chicken Pie
Put the chicken in the pot and put the salad and cheese and mustard and then you mix it all together. Then put chicken sauce and stir it all around again. Then you cook it for 5 minutes at 9 degrees. Then you eat it.
Christopher - Pumpkin Pie
First you buy a pumpkin and smash it. Then it is all done. And you cook it in the oven for 12 minutes and 4 degrees. Then you eat it.
Christine - Turkey
First you buy the turkey. Then you cook it for 5 hours and 5 degrees. Then you cut it up and you eat it.
Isabelle - Spaghetti
Put those red things in it. Then put the spaghetti in it. Then cook it in the oven for 2 minutes at 8 degrees.
Olivia - Corn
Get hot water and put on stove. Wait for 8 minutes. Put corn in. Then put it on a plate. Then eat.
Nicholas - White and more...
A red neck couple was having some marital problems. The problem was the old man farted all the time. The old woman said " Honey if you keep on breaking wind like the you are going to blow your guts out"
The old man didn't listen and kept on breaking wind. Well on one thanksgiving morning the old woman was fixing a turkey when she got a hold of an idea. She took the guts out of the turkey and placed them behind her old man while he lay asleep and snuck on back to the kitchen and finished the turkey.
All of a sudden she heard her old man let out a blood curdling scream. She knew why he was screaming so she got a hold of her self and walked to the bed room to check out her old man. When she did she was surprised, because he was standing up against the wall sweating and panting. She asked him" Honey what is all commotion"
He said " Honey you was right, you said that if I keep on breaking wind. I would blow out my guts and this more...