Turkey Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class.
NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.
Ivette - Banana Pie
You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.
Russell - Turkey
You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it.
Geremy - Turkey
You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat.
Andrew - Pizza
Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.
Shelby - Apple Sauce
Go to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put them in a more...
'Twas The Night Of Thanksgiving,
But I Just Couldn't Sleep
I Tried Counting Backwards,
I Tried Counting Sheep.
The Leftovers Beckoned -
The Dark Meat And White
But I Fought The Temptation
With All Of My Might
Tossing And Turning
With Anticipation
The Thought Of A Snack
Became Infatuation.
So, I Raced To The Kitchen,
Flung Open The Door
And Gazed At The Fridge,
Full Of Goodies Galore.
I Gobbled Up Turkey
And Buttered Potatoes,
Pickles And Carrots,
Beans And Tomatoes.
I Felt Myself Swelling!
So Plump And So Round,
'til All Of A Sudden,
I Rose Off The Ground.
I Crashed Through The Ceiling,
Floating Into The Sky
With A Mouthful Of Pudding
And A Handful Of Pie.
But, I Managed To Yell
As I Soared Past The Trees....
Happy Eating To All -
Pass The Cranberries, Please.
May Your Stuffing Be Tasty,
May Your Turkey Be Plump.
May Your Potatoes 'n Gravy
Have more...
A Thanksgiving Cookbookby Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten ClassNOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.Ivette - Banana PieYou buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.Russell - TurkeyYou cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it. Geremy - TurkeyYou buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat. Andrew - PizzaBuy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it. Shelby - ApplesauceGo to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put them in a jar that says, "Applesauce". Then you eat it. more...
This lady went to a tattoo artist and told him she wanted a turkey tattooed on the upper most inner side of her left thigh. He had seen weirder so he didn't think too much about it. Then she wanted a Santa tattooed on the upper most inner side of her right thigh. After he finished the last tattoo, he just couldn't help asking her, "Why the turkey and Santa?" She replied, "I'm tired of my husband complaining that there is nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!!!"
SEATTLE'S TURKEY DAY ETIQUETTE
It's been 145 years since the first white settlers landed at Alki Beach at Thanksgiving time, took one look at the overcast skies and the sodden, rain-soaked West Seattle terrain, and burst into tears.
(History, alas, doesn't record the response of the Native Americans when they spotted those tear-drenched settlers. But they probably were too polite to laugh out loud.)
In the intervening years, the first residents and the settlers have worked out the rules for Thanksgiving, Puget Sound style. Here they are, recently updated by an ad hoc Turkey Day committee:
DRESS CODE. Thanksgiving Day guests will arrive wearing Seattle tuxes: clean jeans, turtleneck sweaters and down jackets with weathered ski-lift tags. Hiking boots are optional.
CONVERSATION'S GAMBIT. Topics will include: 1) the election; 2) previous elections; and, 3) the next election. Several arguments will ensue before the host or hostess more...
An older couple lay in bed, and the man, as he has done for the past 40 years, farts loudly.
The woman turns over and looks at him and says, "One day you are going to fart your guts out." He nonchalantly responds, "Nah".
Thanksgiving morning, only a few days later, the woman gets up early to start the dinner for that evenings festivities.
As she cleans the turkey a thought pops into her head. Still holding the turkey giblets she runs into their bedroom where her husband is still sleeping.
She gently pushes the contents of her hand into the back of her husbands underwear, then returns back to the kitchen to finish the preparations.
A few moments later she hears the usual morning fart, then a loud thump, footsteps running down the hall, and the bathroom door slamming.
She does nothing but smile knowingly, and waits for her husband to come into the kitchen.
Not long after he enters, he looks at his wife and says, "Honey, you were more...
*LESSON NUMBER ONE*
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
*LESSON NUMBER TWO*
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he more...