Turkey Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that the couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out". The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Christmas morning. more...
A State Police colleague of mine once received a call from a woman who asked him how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment, he, being a fairly good cook, described the procedure. Then he asked,
"But why would you call the State Police to find out how to baste a turkey?"
There was only a slight hesitation before she replied, "Well, you knew, didn't you?" and hung up.
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas??? Youre lucky, with us its any Sunday."
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!
What are the feathers on a turkey's wings called?
Turkey feathers.
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can't jump at all.
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
Where did the first corn come from?
The stalk brought it.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Recently while giving a speech to the citizens of Texas, President Bush was bitten by a Turkey. Secret Service Agents are still being questioned after they reportedly saw President Bush trying to bite himself.
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks