Turkey Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why did the the turkey croos the road??
cause the the chicken was on vacation.
Ankara, Turkey - Under Turkish law, women can be fined up to a quarter of their salaries for appearing in public with their heads covered with cloth. To sidestep the law, women in central Turkey's Islamic strongholds have been buying and wearing wigs, in hospitals and state offices.
One day there was a little boy. He went
upstairs and his mom was
shaving her legs. She cut herself
and said, Shit. Then he asked his mom
what that meant. She said it meant
to shave. Then he went to the kitchen
and his dad was cooking a turkey. He
burnt himself and said, Fuck. He
asked him what that meant. The father
said it meant to cook. The
doorbell rang. The little boy
went to see who it was. It was his
grandparents. They asked where
his parents were. He said, Well, mom is in
the bathroom shiting and dad is fucking
the turkey in the kitchen.
George rushed into the confessional with a turkey under his arm. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," he said. "I stole this turkey to feed my family. Please, would you take it and relieve my guilt."
"Certainly not," the Priest said. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."
"But I tried and he refused," sobbed George. "Father, what should I do?"
"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family," the Priest said.
"Thank you, Father," George replied, as he rushed off.
When the Priest returned to his residence, he entered the kitchen and found that someone had stolen his Thanksgiving turkey.
The Tearful Bride... A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him." "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother," you don't understand. "I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!" "Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom. "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." "No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?" "Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said -' Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!"
That you Burnt the Turkey!!
1. Salmonella won't be a concern.
2. Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun blackened.
3. Uninvited guests will think twice next year.
4. Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newfound appreciation.
5. Pets won't bother to pester you for scraps.
6. No one will overeat.
7. The smoke alarm was due for a test.
8. Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.
9. You'll get to the desserts even quicker.
10. After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play football.
11. The less turkey Uncle You-Know-Who eats, the less likely he will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.
12. You won't have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches.
I've tried all different tactics to quit smoking. I used to smoke about 2 packs a day. I would smoke when I first I got up..before breakfast...on the john...after meals...after sex... I always smoked when I was out drinking because the two went hand in hand. First I tried drinking without smoking...quit cold turkey..lasted for about 1 day. Next I tried smoking without drinking...quit Wild Turkey...lasted about 1 day too. Now I'm trying to only smoke when I drink which isn't working too well either to be honest. I'm doing shots first thing in the morning..before breakfast...on the john...after meals...after sex...