Turkey Jokes / Recent Jokes

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!

Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.

If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their AGE

Why can't you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such FOWL language

What are the feathers on a turkey's wings called?
Turkey feathers

What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot

Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can't jump at all

What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving

How can you make a turkey float?
You need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey

What kind of music more...

Other ways to use the Thanksgiving turkey...
As a blunt object to fend off your pesky cousins with.
As a projectile to throw at the TV after Kathie Lee says, ''Aren't they a wonderful band!'' for the 25th time.
As a hood ornament.
As a disguise so your ugly Aunt Beatrice can't kiss you and say, ''How much you've grown!''
As a football for the after-meal game.
One word... bowling!
As yet another object to drop from the top of the dorm to test the range of the splatter upon impact.
As a gift/bribe for a professor.
As a Christmas gift (avoid the holiday crowds this way!)
As a doorstop to keep your relatives out.
Makes a great doggie chew toy.
Fill it with whip cream - watch the fun.
An unexplored cavern for the new Barbie.
A visual aid to explain to children where babies come from.
Bury in the yard for future midnight snacks.
If you're flying home, take the carcass as a carry-on. See what it looks like in the X-ray machine. more...

Step 1Go buy a turkey
Step 2Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3Put turkey in the oven
Step 4Take another two drinks of whiskey
Step 5Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6Take three more whiskeys of drink
Step 7Turn oven the on
Step 8Take four whisks of drinkey
Step 9Turk the bastey
Step 10Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12Glass yourself another pour of whiskey
Step 13Bake the whiskey for four hours
Step 14Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17Turk the carvey
Step 18Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20Bless the saying, pass and eat out.

Twas the Night of Thanksgiving
But I just couldn't sleep
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep.

The leftovers beckoned -
The dark meat and white
But I fought the temptation
With all of my might

Tossing and turning
With anticipation
The thought of a snack
Became infatuation.

So, I raced to the kitchen,
Flung open the door
And gazed at the fridge,
Full of goodies galore.

Gobbled up turkey
And buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots,
Beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling
So plump and so round,
'Til all of a sudden,
I rose off the ground.

I crashed through the ceiling,
Floating into the sky
With a mouthful of pudding
And a handful of pie.

But, I managed to yell
As i soared past the trees....
Happy eating to all -
Pass the cranberries, please.

May your stuffing be more...

There was a blonde little girl who decides to see what her family is doing.So she goes upstairs to her sisters room. She is saying bitches and dicks the little girls asks"What does that mean" and the sister says Ladies and Gentlemen. SHe goes to her bro who is saying pusseys and penis. The little girl asks what does that mean, he says um, unbrellas and raincoats. Then she goes to he dad who then says shit the girl says what does that mean. He says it means shaving like I am doing now. Then she goes to her mom who is cutting a turkey then says fuck, the girls says whay does that mean, she says cutting. The door ring and she answers it. It is her grandparents. The little girl then says Hello bitches and dick may i grab your pusseys and penis my dads up stairs shitting himself and my moms in the kitchen fucking a turkey.

> Lesson number one
> ----------------
> A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small
> rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
> nothing all day long?"
>
> The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below
> the crow, and rested.
> All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
> Moral of the story is:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
> high up.
>
> Lesson number two
> ----------------
> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
> "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed
> the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
> "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
> bull. They're packed with nutrients."
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually more...

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together.'
Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!'
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.' I don't know,' said the farmer,' I never could catch it!'