Turn Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
5. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.
7. Put M&M's on layaway.
8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
11. Look more...
Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.
The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is "beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here and use "beautiful" in a sentence?"
Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn."
Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."
Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said...
' Beautiful, more...
"Hey, this is a nude beach. I ain't getting in that cold water!" - Shrinkaphobia
"Get that *^%#*# vodka bottle away from me!!" - Carmenelectraphobia
"He's coming straight for us - with his left turn signal on!" - Oldfartophobia
"You have to push 'Start' to turn the damn computer off?!" - Windophobia
"I won't go to your frat house to eat gyros and watch a tape of the Israel Philharmonic Orchestra on your old Sony VCR!" - ThetaFetaMetaBetaphobia
"No! Don't call the plumber!!!" - Buttcrackaphobia
"No, I don't want to watch 'Friends.' That blonde chick freaks me out." - Phoebephobia
"Um, Doctor, why are you putting on that rubber glove?" - Probeophobia
"You're busy Saturday? Well, how about next weekend then?" - Rentanotherpornophobia
"It's NOT my imagination! Senator Helms is looking at me "that" way again!" - Homophobophobia
"Honey, I more...
How does a blonde turn on the light after sex? She opens the car door.
One day a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were hiking when they came across a cliff.
There was no bridge and they couldn't think of anyother way to get across so they decided to turn around and go back. Just then a magical fairy appeared and said that they could turn into anything they wanted to help them get across the cliff, all they had to do was run, jump, and say the name of it. The brunette ran and jumped and yelled out, "Eagle," and she soared across the cliff. The redhead ran and jumped then yelled, "Hawk," and flew across to the other side. Then it was the blonde's turn she ran and jumped. When she was in mid air, she forgot what she was going to say and yelled "O crap!"....
One day a red-head, a burnette and a blond were walking on the beach when the trip over a magic mirrior.
This little face pops out at them and says if the can tell him one true thrue thing about themselves they can have anyhting they desire.
But if they lie he will turn them into a frog. So the red-head goes first,"I think I am the smartest person in the world."
The mirrior said that she could have anything she disired and she wanted a thousand dollars and she got it.
Now it was the burnettes turn and she said,"I think I am the second smartest person in the world" and the mirrior she could have anything she disired. She wanted a million dollars and she got it.
Finally it was the blondes turn. She stepped up to the mirrior and said,"Let me get this straight, all I gotta do is say one true thing about myself and then I get what ever I desire.
The mirrior said that that was correct, but if it was a lie he would turn her into a frog. She more...