Twelve Jokes / Recent Jokes
What are you nagging me about?" complained the husband. "I was in last night by a quarter of twelve."
"You were not, you liar!" cried the irate wife. "I heard you come in and the clock was striking three."
"Well, stupid," said hubby, "isn't three a quarter of twelve?"
A man walked into a curio shop in Galveston Texas. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very life-like, life-size bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it looked so striking that he decided he must have it. He took it to the owner and asked, "How much is the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat; a hundred dollars if you bring it back," said the owner.
The man gave the shop owner twelve dollars. "I'll take the rat - and I won't be bringing it back."
As he walked down the street carrying the bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of alleys and sewers, and began following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting, so he began to walk a little bit faster. Within a couple of blocks, the group of rats behind him grew to over a hundred, and they began squealing.
He started to trot towards the harbor. He took a nervous look around and saw that the rats numbered in the thousands, maybe in the more...
Q: If a plane crashed on the border of England and Scotland, where would they bury the survivors?
A: you don`t bury survivors Q: Twelve pears hanging high, twelve men passing by, each took a pear and left eleven hanging there. How can this be? How can eleven pears be left?
A: `Each` is a mans name! Q: If there`s a frog, dead in the centre of a lilypad which is right in the middle of the pond, which side would it jump to?
A: neither, the frog is dead! Q: You`re a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is what color are the bus drivers eyes?
A: The same as yours, you`re the bus driver. Q: What never gets any wetter, no matter how much it rains?
A: The sea! Q: A man went outside in the pouring rain with no protection, but not a hair on his head got wet... how come?
A: He was bald. Q: David`s father has three sons: Snap, Crackle and more...
"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up."
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
"Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman.
"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
"You're under 21," replies the barman.
This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy notices it.? Hey, what's that??? A twelve-inch pianist. Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish, I got a twelve inch pianist.?? Can I try?? The man with the piano agrees and a minute later, a million ducks fill the room.? Ducks? I didn't wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!?? Ya think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist??