Twins Jokes / Recent Jokes

>>THe British Goverment's policy of socialized has recently been broaden
>>to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under the goverment plan,
>>any married woman who is unable to become pregant through the first five
>>years of her marriage, may request the service of a proxy father; a
>>goverment employee who attempt to solve the couple's problem by
>>impreganting the wife.
>>
>>The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due
>>to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr Smith says," I'm off. The goverment man
>>should be here soon." Moments later, a door-to-door baby photographer
>>rings the bell..........
>>
>>Mrs Smith: Good morning.
>>
>>Salesman: Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come
>>to..........
>>
>>Mrs Smith: No need to explain, I've been expecting you.
>>
>>Salesman: Really? Well good. I've made a specialty of more...

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING......... By Francie Baltazar-Schwartz
Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself,' Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' more...

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, you're the father of twins.""What a coincidence!" the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, "You, sir, are the father of triplets.""Wow, that's really an incredible coincidence," he answered. "I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies Work jokes will never let me live this one down."An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the third man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply."Don't tell me another coincidence?" asked the nurse. After finally regaining his composure, he said, more...

One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard's idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing above him.
"Mr. Phillard," the doctor said, "you are in the recovery room. Don't worry, your wife is fine and she had twins, a boy and a girl. Because you were unconscious and your wife was still under anaesthesia, she requested that your brother Bill name the kids."
"What! My brother, the idiot! I can't believe you let him! What did he name them?"
"He named your daughter Denise."
"Hey, not bad! I underestimated my brother. What did he name my son?"
"He named your son Denephew."

A 14-hour operation toseparate four-month-old conjoined twins has been successful. That'sterrific news. I remember in 1987, opening day of baseballseason, a pair conjoined at the skull were successfully separated atJohnsHopkins Hospital. The next day's newspaper headline read:"Hopkins Team Splits Double Header With Twins"

The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a proxy father-- a government employee who attempts to solve the couple's problem by impregnating the wife.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due to arrive at any time. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I'm off. The government man should be here soon."

Moments later a door-to-door baby photographer rings the doorbell...

Mrs. Smith: "Good morning."

Salesman: "Good morning, madam. You don't know me, but I've come to..."

Mrs. Smith: "No need to explain, I've been expecting you."

Salesman: "Really? Well, good. I've made a specialty of more...

there were two twins, Elikem And Stephen. They liked to fool to people and laugh at them as their hobbies.
One day, they met a man called Majibo. A very big headed man with a big body a heavy black boo.
They started to laugh at him.
Then Majibo shouted to his friend to catch him.
This is what ensued between the twins and MAjibo when they were broight to him.
Majibo: Why did you boys laugh at me
The Twins: We were not laughing at you but your black heavy boo and body
Majibo: ok, come over here
majibo called some of his friends to call them and he said that they should be naked right away.
The Twins: why are you doing this majibo, dont you have some of our boos.
Majibo: do you want to see it??
The Twins: yes of course
the majibo removed his boo and he used his kortie to beat them until they bevame fat as him.
by:
Emmanuel and Abideen