Twins Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were these two Sardarji twins who looked so incredibly alike, that sometimes they borrowed money from each other without the other really knowing about it.

My husband is always complaining about my inability to stay on a budget and about the costs of running the house in general. This has become worse since we have had the twins.
Everything is double... clothes, food, pediatrician bills. Lately, he has even been complaining about the amount of baby powder I have been using on the twins to prevent them from getting diaper rashes. I've had to remind him that... talc is cheap.
My brother and I used to fight over everything. Who would get the best toy. Who would get the biggest treat.
Well, on this rainy day Mother discovered she only had one large lollipop for a treat and told us we would have to share. My brother, who was two years older than me suggested that he would take a wooden mallet and break it evenly for us to share and I readily agreed, But when he hit it, it shattered into a number of uneven pieces that we couldn't divide evenly.
Mother told us we should have expected that would occur. She said,... "You can more...

A census taker, working in a rural area, knocked on a farmhouse door. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.
"Well, let's see now," she replied. "There's the twins, Sue and Lou, they're seventeen. And the twins, Jason and Mason, they're thirteen. And the twins, Maureen and Doreen, they're eleven... "
"Hold on!" said the census taker. "Did you get twins every time?"
"Oh heavens, no!" the woman replied. "There were hundreds of times we didn't get nuthin'"

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby more...

Porn legend Jenna Jameson, 34, gave birth Monday to two healthy boys. Doctors delivered the twins at 11:23 & 11:34. Doctors also delivered a rubber fist and arm, a dozen ping pong balls, and an Asian midget.

Adult film star Jenna Jameson and her boyfriend of two years, Tito Ortiz, welcomed twin boys Monday morning. The new mother was not only thrilled about having twins but was ecstatic when one of the boys spoke his first words by saying, "Hi, I'm here to clean your pool"

There were these two twins named Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old fishing boat. It just so happened that John's wife died the very same day that Joe's old boat sank.
A kindly old woman saw Joe one day, and mistaking him for John said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss, you must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat, said, "Hell no, in fact I'm sorta glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning.
Her bottom was all shriveled up, and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water. She had a bad crack in the back, and a pretty big hole in the front. Every time I used her that hole got bigger, and then she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her out to those four guys who were looking for a good time.
warned them she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at once, and then she split more...