Typical Jokes / Recent Jokes

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:' I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?' His new bride said,' No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night -- whether you're here or not.'

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.The song, "Yankee Doodle" was originally sung by British Soldiers to insult the colonialists ( which was typical of the British in those days). The Continental Army took to singing it to annoy the British (which was typical of the colonialists).

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, brightas a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the conceptof marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

Canadian Joke - Hey, we love you people up north, but, I'm sorry you'd almost have to be a Canadian to appreciate this joke. (we've been told by some Canadians that this is possibly the funniest Canuck joke yet?) Go figure?
A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar.... He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds but the Canadian just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar. The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at more...

The song, "Yankee Doodle" was originally sung by British soldiers to insult the colonialists, (which was typical of the British in those days).
The Continental Army took to singing it to annoy the British (which was typical of the colonialists).

This article came from a fellow named Keith Wortham.
In anticipation of a PC MAGAZINE review of the well promoted but NON-AVAILABLE Microsoft Windows 4. 0, he went ahead and wrote it in the typical "objective" style the magazine usually uses with Microsoft products. He is planning to submit it to the magazine before they can come out with their own bubbly "review" of the promised product.
As you know, the magazine carries big ads for Microsoft. From what I am told, ZIFF-DAVIS, which owns PC MAGAZINE, ALSO OWNS A SUBSIDIARY THAT HAS THE MARKETING ACCOUNT FOR MICROSOFT! (Does that strike you as a bit of a CONFLICT OF INTEREST, and ample incentive for total "non-objectivity?")
Quoting Keith Wortham:
"The latest issue of PC Magazine contains the exciting and long awaited news that there will be an article on Windows 4. 0 appearing in the next issue. To save those of you who do not subscribe from having to buy the magazine, we thought more...

A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he announces his wife has just produced "a typical Texas baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations shower him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" are heard.
A woman faints due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Ten pounds."
The bartender is puzzled, concerned. "Why? What happened? He already weighed 20 pounds at birth."
The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star, wipes his lips on his shirtsleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."