Typical Jokes / Recent Jokes
This article came from a fellow named Keith Wortham.
In anticipation of a PC MAGAZINE review of the well promoted but NON-AVAILABLE Microsoft Windows 4.0, he went ahead and wrote it in the typical "objective" style the magazine usually uses with Microsoft products. He is planning to submit it to the magazine before they can come out with their own bubbly "review" of the promised product.
As you know, the magazine carries big ads for Microsoft. From what I am told, ZIFF-DAVIS, which owns PC MAGAZINE, ALSO OWNS A SUBSIDIARY THAT HAS THE MARKETING ACCOUNT FOR MICROSOFT! (Does that strike you as a bit of a CONFLICT OF INTEREST, and ample incentive for total "non-objectivity?")
Quoting Keith Wortham:
"The latest issue of PC Magazine contains the exciting and long awaited news that there will be an article on Windows 4.0 appearing in the next issue. To save those of you who do not subscribe from having to buy the magazine, we thought we more...
Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick areperched near the front door of the girls' dorm. Severalplain Janes walk by as the two converse. Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm andsaunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and -- barely audibly-- inquires, "Tickle your ass with a feather?" The young beauty -- startled by what she thinks she heard-- exclaims "What?!" Without missing a beat, Romeo repeats"Typical nasty weather?" "Oh," she demures, "yes," and goeson her way. More young lovelys walk by and the scene is repeated." Tickle your ass with a feather?" "What?" "Typical nasty weather?" Finally, Romeo delivers his line,"Tickle your ass with a feather?" and his prospect stops, smiles and invites him up to her room. Now the sidekick, alone, having paid close attention, decides to try this remarkable new technique. A likelyprospect comes near. The sidekick leers and blurts more...
Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick areperched near the front door of the girls' dorm. Severalplain Janes walk by as the two converse. Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm andsaunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and -- barely audibly-- inquires, "Tickle your ass with a feather?"The young beauty -- startled by what she thinks she heard-- exclaims "What?!" Without missing a beat, Romeo repeats"Typical nasty weather?" "Oh," she demures, "yes," and goeson her way. More young lovelys walk by and the scene is repeated."Tickle your ass with a feather?" "What?" "Typical nasty weather?"Finally, Romeo delivers his line,"Tickle your ass with a feather?" and his prospect stops, smiles and invites him up to her room. Now the sidekick, alone, having paid close attention, decides to try this remarkable new technique. A likelyprospect comes near. The sidekick leers and blurts more...
An Italian named Uncle Vito buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because he announces his wife has just produced "a typical Italian baby boy weighing 25 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of, "WOW!" were heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Italian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father, Uncle Vito, answered, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled and concerned and asks, "Why? What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth." The Italian father, Uncle Vito, takes a slow swig from his scotch on the rocks, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans in to the bartender and proudly says, "We had his hair cut!"
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds. Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Arent you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?""Yup, shore am!""How much does he weigh now?"The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"
My mother is a typical Jewish mother.Once she was on jury duty...They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.