Typical Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.
"Wow! Twenty pounds!" exclaimed many at the bar as they congratulated the proud father.
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? Didn't he weigh twenty pounds at birth?"
The proud Texas father said, "Yup. .. just had him circumcised!"
The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"
Marriage (Part I)
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules.
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules.
Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
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Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As more...
What type of Asian are you?
Girls, take this test to find out
Guys, or scroll down. GIRLS 1. On a typical Friday night, you're most likely to be seen at: A) pool hall
B) the mall
C) at home, getting an early start on homework
D) cafe shop
E) your friend's house, having a sleepover 2. Your normal everyday wear is: A) tight shirts, spaghetti straps, baggy jeans, and extra dark lipstick
B) lots and lots of makeup - to impress the guys of course
C) thick glasses, long sun dresses, penny loafers, or sandals
D) high pumps, expensive designer clothes and tons of jewelry
E) college or Mickey Mouse sweatshirts with blue jeans 3. You usually give out your number when: A) almost never, guys get scared off by your mean looks
B) any foine guy happens to ask for it
C) never - you're not supposed to talk to guys
D) there's money floating around him
E) any white guy asks for it 4. When you go to the mall, you: A) give menacing more...
A man and his wife are in bed getting hot and heavy when the wife just pushes him away and says, "No, actually I don't feel like sex tonight. Could you just hold me?"
The man very mad says, "What?! Why the hell can't we have sex??"
The woman replies, "This is so typical, you have no idea what it's like to be a women! You just don't understand me!" And she turns over and goes to sleep.
The next day the man tells his wife he is so sorry and to make up for his mistakes they are going to the mall.
So the man takes her to the clothing department of a very expensive store and has her try on outfits. She can't decide which one she likes, so the man tells her to take them all. She jumps up and down and hugs him. Then they go over to the jewelry department, The woman sees a nice pair of diamond earrings but the husband says the price isn't right. It's too low, so he gives her a tennis bracelet worth twice the amount of the earrings.
Thinking more...
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.
"Wow! Twenty pounds!" exclaimed many at the bar as they congratulated the proud father.
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? Didn't he weigh twenty pounds at birth?"
The proud Texas father said, "Yup...just had him circumcised!"
A brief profile of men afflicted with "yellow fever" ORIGINS: Asiaphiles are typically found residing in major U. S. cities, although increasing numbers have been venturing overseas in their quest to "get an oree-enul woman". NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH: Intelligent, non-racist and socially-functional men who are free of fetishes and racial bias. CHARACTER TRAITS: - Poorly developed masculine identities, pathetically uncomfortable with themselves, inept at romance with women of their own race. - Resentment of white females' assertive, strong-willed personality traits (whether real or perceived). - Ignorant and narrow-minded, eager to adopt fallacious western media stereotypes of Asian women. - Desperate need to assume a dominant, father-like role in their relationships with women (ergo the similarity to pedophiles). - Exaggerated perception and objectification of Asian females (and sometimes little boys). - Uncanny ability to determine one's breast size and country of more...