Ugliest Jokes / Recent Jokes
An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.
"Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" the cop said.
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
"He said you were speeding!" the old man yelled.
The cop then asked, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband again, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled back, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman then gave the cop her license.
"I see, you are from Hoshairpur!," the cop said. "I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband again and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man replied, "He said he knows you!"
A woman holding a baby boarded a bus. The driver took one look at the baby and exclaimed, "Geez, that has to be the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
The woman slammed her money into the fare box and stomped to an aisle seat at the back of the bus. She fumed and got more agitated with each passing moment until the man seated next to her sensed she was upset and asked what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me!" she exclaimed.
"He has no right to do that," said the sympathetic man. "He's a public servant and shouldn't say insulting things to passengers."
"You're absolutely right," she replied. "I think I'll go right back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"I don't blame you," the man replied. "Here, let me hold your monkey!"
One day there are three drunk teenagers (girls). In the middle of the night they are driving home. The driver swirves and goes off a cliff and all three die.
In heaven there is only one rule don't step on a duck (there are ducks every where). So a few hours later the first woman steps on a duck and gets chained to the ugliest man ever.
So a couple daps later the second woman steps on a duck and gets chained two the second ugliest man in heaven.
So years go by and the third woman is shopping and all of the sudden a handsome man gets chained to her. She then says "
what i didn't step on a duck."
And the man says "
but i did."
One day there were three drunck teenagers. All of them were girls. As they were driving home the driver swerved of the road and over a cliff. When they hit the bottom of the cliff the car exploded.
When they were in heaven they found out that there was only one rule, do not step on a duck.
A few hours later the first woman steped on a duck. She then got chained to the most ugliest man ever. A couple days went by when the second woman steped on a duck and got chaned to the 2nd ugliest man ever.
So years went by and the third woman still did not step on a duck. She was shoping when all of the suddin a hansom man appered next to her. In aw she said "
what i did not step on a duck."
Then the man replied "
but I did."
One day three teenage girls were driving along when they had a terrible accident. They were all sent to heaven.
At the gates, they met St. Peter. He said to them, "Welcome to Heaven. There is only one rule here, don't step on the ducks, don't bother them, just leave them alone. If you do bother them in any way you will be handcuffed to the ugliest person in Heaven for all eternity."
The first teen thought that this was rather funny and in all her laughter stepped back almost falling over.
"QUACK!"
She had stepped on a duck and so she was handcuffed to the ugliest person in heaven.
The other two teens walked around Heaven constantly torturing their unlucky friend.
As fate would have it the second teen stepped on a duck also.
She was handcuffed to the second ugliest person in Heaven.
The two girls sat moping at the fact that they were chained to these people for more...