Umbrella Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sardar To His Servant: Go And Water The Plants.
Servant: It's Already Raining.
Sardar: So What, Take An Umbrella And Go.

Why did the sword swallower swallow an umbrella?
He wanted to put something away for a rainy day!

A 99 year old sick Billionaire came to his doctor one day and told him that his 20 year old wife was pregnant.
"How can that be, doctor?" The old man asked the doctor.
Thinking hard for a few minutes, The doctor decided to tell the old man a story.
"An absent minded fellow went deer hunting one day".. the doctor started.
"And instead of a gun, he took an umbrella".
"Suddenly a lion charged him".
"Immediately, the man pointed the umbrella towards the lion and killed it on the spot".
"But how can that be??" exclaimed the poor confused man.
"Someone else must have shot at it!!!" he said.
"Exactly!!!" the doctor replied.

An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun." "So he's in the woods," the doctor continues, "and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in his its chest." "That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear," the man said. "Exactly."

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No". The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that more...

There was a young man, who was known for his lack of study and the rabbi of the congregation, was not about to let this go unnoticed. He performed his Bar Mitzvah, and rose to the occasion as best he could, with the minimal lack of preparation.
When it came time to hand out the gifts, to the young lad, he received the usual Kiddush Cup, and Bible, from the congregation.
But then the rabbi, added a special gift. He said, "You have received many gifts today, many treasures of Indiums in book form, that will enrich your life, and make it, holy, in the eyes of Hashem...and now for my own special gift to you", with that he pulled out an UMBRELLA, from behind the lecturn, and told the boy, who had become a man, in the previous half hour, "I present you this umbrella, because, I want to give you a gift that at least I know you will open."

After marrying a sweet young woman, a 90-year-old
geezer told his doctor that they were expecting a baby.
"Let me tell you a story," said the doctor.
"An absent-minded fellow went hunting, but instead of
a gun, he picked up an umbrella.
Suddenly a bear charged him. Pointing his umbrella
at the bear, he shot and killed it on the spot."
"Impossible!" the geezer exclaimed.
"Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"Exactly," replied the doctor.