Underwear Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once an ant goes to a pond where some elephants were taking bath! and asks..... Elephants: what are you doing here? Can't you see we are taking bath?

Ant: Oh! Yes I can see! but fist you all come out! Elephants: But why? Ant: Let me see that you wore my underwear?

Think of the beat of the song walking in a winter wonderland while you are reading this...
Lacy things - the wife is missin',
Didn't ask - her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
In the store - there's a teddy,
Little straps - like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress - like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!
Lacy things... missin',
Didn't ask... permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' more...

Q: How do you know when a redneck isn't wearing any underwear?
A: There's dandruff on his/her shoes.

1) SIMPLE DUTIES-
You go out to buy her flowers: +5
But return with beer: -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night: You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5 You pummel it with a six iron: +10 It's her cat: -10

2) SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party: 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy: -2
Named Tiffany: -4
Tiffany is a dancer: -6
Tiffany has implants: -8

3) SATURDAY AFTERNOONS-
You visit her parents: +1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3 And the television is off: -6 You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear:-6 And you didn't even go to college: -10 And it's not really your underwear: -15

4) HER BIRTHDAY-
You take her out to dinner: 0
You take her more...

What brand of underwear does Monica Lewinsky wear?
President's Choice.

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not wake Mommy up with my cold, wet nose on her bottom. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do more...

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in
the house when I am about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not wake Mommy up with my cold, wet nose on her bottom.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's more...