University Jokes / Recent Jokes

The university team was a man short for their needle match with the rival college.

'Listen,' said the captain,' as long as he doesn't speak to anyone, we could use the blacksmith.

He's a marvellous player.' So they rigged out the smith in college colours and he tore into the fray, taking eight wickets for ten runs. Afterwards, in the bar, the rival captain came up to him and said I say, old man, that was a terrific performance. Tell me, what are you studying at the University?

'The blacksmith thought for a moment, then said brightly,' Sums!'

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

At my University's Student center Bathrooms: "If you see four feet instead of two under the bathroom door, please notify it immediately to the University Police."

In the hallway of a High School in New Jersey "Our School: Commitment, Responsibility, Attitude, Persistance."

Road sign in Roosevelt, Utah: "Rest Area Next Right" - the next right leads a person right into to a cemetery.

A sign in the local opportunity shop says, "If your going to steal, then smile for the camera."

While stopped at an intersection I noticed a man standing on the corner in front of a Burger King. He was holding a ign that read "Will work for food." If he had only looked up, he would have noticed that the Burger King sign directly a bove him read "Now hiring."

At an office: "This job is only a test had it more...

Whatsamatta University's Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.

1. Combatting Stupidity

2. You Too Can Do Housework

3. Resistance to Beer

4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray

5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)

6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4: 00am

7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called "Don't Wash My Silks")

9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook

10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong

11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right

12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

13. You, The Weaker Sex

14. Reasons To Give more...

There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them. You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes. You have a' Singer Brother' sewing machine at home. Your mother has a minor disagreement with her (or your dad's) sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years. You call an older person you've never met before "uncle". You hide everything from your parents. Your mother does everything for you if you are male. You do all the housework and cooking if you are female. Your relatives alone could populate a small city. Everyone is a family friend. Everyone always called you for help on homework. You read law, medicine or engineering at university. You were thick (i. e. stupid) so you studied accounting or business instead. You know no one who has studied music. You went to a university as far away from home as possible. You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished. Your best friend got married at the age of 16. You only make telephone calls after more...

Three British educational institutions were commissioned by the government to discover why the human penis is the shaped the way it is. Oxford University allocated a budget of

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs. 10 and that Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7. 50
"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."
A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.
"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor.
"First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7, 50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."
"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense."

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in secondary school. When they finished, they wanted to both go to the same university but the girl was accepted to University Sains Malaysia in Penang, and the guy went to University Kebangsaan Malaysia in Bangi Selangor. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's more...