University Jokes / Recent Jokes

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes."Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?""Sadness," said the student."And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma."Elation," she said."And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of woe?"The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up' ".

Q: How many University of Washington Husky football fans (or any over-the-top sports fans who pay way way too much attention to minutia surrounding "their" team) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A million and one. One to hold the old bulb, and the rest to all try and make the world revolve around it.

Q: How many university students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 31. Ten to vote on whether the light bulb needs changing, whether they should join the Lightbulbs Union first and then what to call the new lightbulb - (the Nelson Mandela lightbulb ?), one to put it in... and twenty to have a pissup after to celebrate a good days work...

Q: How many university students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to fuse all the electrics while doing something silly, and one to phone the landlord to ask for the lightbulb to be changed.

A professor at the University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks them, "How many folk here believe in ghosts?" About 80 students raise their hands. "That`s a good start," says the professor, "For those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you`ve ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That`s really good," continues the professor, "I`m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" 15 students raise their hands. "That`s a great response," remarks the impressed professor, "has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands. "Brilliant. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever been intimate with a ghost?" One of his students from a Redneck state raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I`ve more...

In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the study was published, the University of South Carolina decided to do their own study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. The University of Georgia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

This is a true story.
Some decades ago, there was a student at a University, who was selected to a scholarship in abroad.
After he went abroad his teacher who is a professor also went to that foreign university for some purpose, spent the night at the same hostel as that student stayed.
At night that professor heard/saw, that student speaking with the Sudda who is his room mate, unseasily even using hands & legs as in antint times before languages created.
Professor called that student who is a Dr., now lecturing at that same University in Sri Lanka,"this is a very good chance for you to make-up your english speech, talk more with this Sudda & enhance the ability or else your Master degree is valueless" That guy said "yes". Professor went to his country after his work.
After some time professor went there again & saw that guy coming far away speaking fluently with that Sudda. Professor thought that "now my boy is ok with more...