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Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding... "I'm not sure ifmy future bride is a virgin or not."His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need issome red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red andone ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those arethe funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!"

Did you know that Mike Tyson has an upcoming bout with Prince Charles? It seems that no-one else has big enough ears to go 12 rounds.

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."
And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (1996)
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a more...

Special To The Star – Bethlehem officials refused comment, but 3 men on camels said DYFS took custody of an infant born in a barn. The terrible conditions found are the basis for a hearing on whether the parents are guilty of child abuse. One of the men, Gaspar, was arrested when police found he had 50 g. of frankincense wrapped as a gift. He is being charged with intent to distribute.
In a related story, a boy, ox and lamb were arrested for disturbing the peace after guests of a nearby inn complained about incessant drumming. Police held the boy and his drum as evidence. The ox and lamb were released after it was determined they were only keeping time.


Paternity Questioned
The story surrounding "Stable Boy" got more confusing late yesterday when Joseph produced documentation he had undergone a vasectomy 2 years ago and accused his wife of having an affair. Mary, the mother of "Stable Boy", refused to provide any explanation and is now more...