Upper Jokes / Recent Jokes
A person walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "I want coffee".
The waiter says, "Sure sir, coming right up". He gets the person a tall mug of coffee, and the person drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the same person returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and the bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "I want coffee". The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the hell was that all about, anyway?"
The man smiles and proudly says, "Iam in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."
Once Santa Singh and Banta Singh happened to be together in Delhi. Having excursion tickets, they boarded a DTC double decker. Banta Singh, finding no vacant seat in the lower deck, went to the upper deck and took a seat. He was surprised to see that there was no driver in the upper deck. Showing his anxiety, he asked Santa Singh if there was a driver in the lower deck. Promptly came the reply that there was indeed a driver. Banta Singh then said "Utte te wahe guru challanda pia hai" (God is driving this upper deck himself).
Stupid Insults 12/31 Has all her bricks, but no cement holding them together. Has an inferiority complex, but not a very good one. Has an IQ one lower than it takes to grunt. Has change for a seven dollar bill. Has FINO (first in never out) memory. Has his brain on cruise control again. Has his solar panels aimed at the moon. Has it floored in neutral. Has no discretionary intellect. Has no upper stage. Has nothing to say, but delights in saying it. Has only one chopstick in the chowmein. Has resonance where others have brains. Has signs on both ears saying "Space for Rent". Has so few thoughts that when he free associates, it's like watching tennis Has the attention span of an overripe grapefruit. Has the brains of a house plant. Has the Grand Canyon under the crew cut. Has the IQ of a salad bar / an ice cube / three below houseplant. Has the keen awareness of an ostrich in hiding. Has the mental agility of a soap dish. Has the personality of a snail on Valium. Has the same more...
A whole gaggle of girls went on a double decker bus tour while over in England. The brunettes took the lower level allowing all of the blondes to enjoy the upper level. About half way through the tour, the brunettes were wondering if the blondes were having as much fun as they were. Some of the brunettes climbed the stairs to the upper level only to find all the blondes scared stiff clutching guard rails and each other. “What’s the matter up here? ” one of the brunettes asked, “We are having a great time down stairs. ” The blondes replied, “That’s easy for you, we don’t have a driver up here! ”
This lady went to a tattoo artist and told him she wanted a turkey tattooed on the upper most inner side of her left thigh. He had seen weirder so he didn't think too much about it.
Then she wanted a Santa tattooed on the upper most inner side of her right thigh. After he finished the last tattoo, he just couldn't help asking her, "Why the turkey and Santa?"
She replied, "I'm tired of my husband complaining that there is nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!!!"
This lady went to a tattoo artist and told him she wanted a turkey tattooed on the upper most inner side of her left thigh. He had seen weirder so he didn't think too much about it.Then she wanted a Santa tattooed on the upper most inner side of her right thigh. After he finished the last tattoo, he just couldn't help asking her, "Why the turkey and Santa?"She replied, "I'm tired of my husband complaining that there is nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!!!"
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything - meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient, to which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"