Vacuum Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following gems of wisdom were gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school, and college students.As one teacher noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird stuff our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades!""H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.""To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.""When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.""Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.""There is no Nitrogen in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.""Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.""Blood flows down one leg and up the other.""Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.""Dew is formed on more...

Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?Why is it that no matter what colour of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say' It's all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say,' That hurt, you stupid idiot?'Why is it more...

I'm not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.

Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
'Good morning,' said the young man.' If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'
'Go away!' I said.' I haven't got any money!',' I'm broke!' and proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.' Don't be too hasty!' he said.' Not until you have at least seen my demonstration..' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.
'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.'
I stepped back and said,' Well I hope you've got a f*****g good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of' broke' do you not understand?'

An overly-enthusiastic vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory and knocks on the door. A tough, mean looking woman answers the door and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.
"Lady," he says, "if this vacuum doesn't do wonders cleaning this up, I will each every chunk of it."
"Would you care for some ketchup with that?" she asks with a smirk.
"Huh?" the confused salesman asks.
"We just moved in and the electricity hasn't been turned on yet!" she replies.

A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his newterritory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, andbefore she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow pattiesall over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up thathorseshit, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?" He Salesman says, "why do you ask?" She says "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?