Value Jokes / Recent Jokes

In view of recent admonitions against jokes maligning any
class of people, I thought I'd put together some examples
of humor that are approved within the Tandem Values. Note
how these jokes arise from existing ones that are not
permitted, showing that humor can be found anywhere.
WRONG: Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
This joke is offensive to two classes of people, blondes and
coffee drinkers. It might also offend people who do not drink
coffee for religious reasons.
RIGHT: Why can't pigmentally-challenged individuals take a short
rest between job tasks?
Because the Mail Police are reading this joke.
WRONG: How do you kill a pink elephant?
This joke has many problems, as it is offensive to environmentalists,
vegetarians, and elephants of all colors. It also promotes racism
and classism among elephants, and, perhaps, among other species as
well. It should not be sent to the HUMOR sig for these reasons.
RIGHT: more...

The most respected name in bridge sale is about to present an offer that no self respecting bridge collector can ignore. The Bradley Bridge Exchange is proud to introduce the Commemorative Bridge Series. Even if you have never collected bridges before this unique investment opportunity should interest you.
The Bradley Bridge Exchange has been selling quality collectable bridges for fifty years. Now through this once in a lifetime Internet offer, you can purchase famous bridges.
Think about it, EVERYONE needs bridges: to go to work, walk across, jump from, get mugged under and to throw rocks from.
Not all bridges go up in value, the Bradley Bridge Exchange guarantees that your own personalized bridge will retain its minimum value for at least one full year.
The famous Golden Gate Bridge was originally offered through The Bradley Bridge Exchange for a mere 35 dollars. In the 57 times it has since been re-sold, its value has increased to an astounding 10 million dollars! more...

Don't teach your children the value of a dollar if they find out, they'll ask for two.

Never write a line of code that someone else can understand.
Make the simplest line of code appear complex. Use long
counter intuitive names. Don't ever code "a=b", rather do something
like:
AlphaNodeSemaphore=*(int)(&(unsigned long)(BetaFrameNodeFarm));
Type fast, think slow.
Never use direct references to anything ever. Bury everything in
macros. Bury the macros in include files. Reference those include
files indirectly from other include files. Use macros to reference
those include files.
Never include a comment that will help someone else understand your
code. If they understand it, they don't need you.
Never generate new sources. Always ifdef the old ones. Every binary
in the world should be generated from the same sources.
Never archive all the sources necessary to build a binary. Always
hide on your own disk. If they can build your binary, they don't
need you.
Never code a function to return a value. more...

A snobbish tourist was visiting a small Australian village when he noticed a local man wearing a highly ornate necklace that featured 10 alligator teeth.

He approached the man and in a condescending manner said, "Goodness, what a fancy necklace! I guess you people must value alligator teeth the same way my people value pearls."
The man replied, "Well, anyone can open up an oyster."

Quotes about computers and software and other things
Collected by Steen Hansen Hviid, Columbus, Ohio, USA
"Unix was not designed to stop people from doing stupid things,
because that would also stop them from doing clever things."
-Doug Gwyn
"Walking on water and developing software from a specification
are easy if both are frozen."
- Edward V. Berard, "Life-Cycle Approaches"
True research is like fumbling in the dark for the right switches.
Once you've turned the light on everyone can see...
- unknown
"An idiot with a computer is a faster, better idiot"
- Rich Julius
"The C Programming Language - A language which combines the
flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language."
Pascal - A programming language named after a man who would
turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
I haven't lost my mind, I have it backed up on tape more...

Attention Bridge Buyers
The most respected name in bridge sale is about to present an offer that no self respecting bridge collector can ignore. The Bradley Bridge Exchange is proud to introduce the Commemorative Bridge Series. Even if you have never collected bridges before this unique investment opportunity should interest you.
The Bradley Bridge Exchange has been selling quality collectable bridges for fifty years. Now through this once in a lifetime Internet offer, you can purchase famous bridges.
Think about it, EVERYONE needs bridges: to go to work, walk across, jump from, get mugged under and to throw rocks from.
Not all bridges go up in value, the Bradley Bridge Exchange guarantees that your own personalized bridge will retain its minimum value for at least one full year.
The famous Golden Gate Bridge was originally offered through The Bradley Bridge Exchange for a mere 35 dollars. In the 57 times it has since been re-sold, its value has increased to an more...