Value Jokes / Recent Jokes
An artist asked the gallery owner if anyone had shown an interest in his paintings which were on display at the time.
"I have good news and bad news," replied the owner. "The good news is that a gentleman did inquire about your work and wanted to know whether it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him most definitely, he purchased all 18 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," exclaimed the artist. "What's the bad news?"
"He happened to be your doctor!"
At a political meeting recently held in a populace town down south of colombo, where many have gone to the middle east for green pastures, a politician aspiring to become a deputy minister had this to say to the much applause of his audience
" When we are in government we see the rupee has its true value against the American dollar. When they are in power they contain the value to the tune of the world bank. Be it known on the 2nd when these American stooges are gone we will see that the value of the rupee to the dollar will go up daily and put more money in your pockets for the hard earned middle east dollars your dear one's are sending"
How do you double the value of a Ford Pinto?Fill it with gas!
The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to
constants; instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every
appearance, the variable PI can be given that value with a DATA
statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant. This
also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change.
- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers
From 'Operating System Concepts, 3rd Edition' by A. Silbershatz, J.
Peterson, and P. Galvin: In the section introducing
"multiprogrammming," the book makes an analogy to try to make things
clearer:
[..discussion of CPU switching from job to job instead of waiting for
I/O to finish on current job...]
"This idea is quite common in other life situations. A lawyer does
not have only one client at a time. Rather, several clients may be in
the process of being served at the same time. While one case is
waiting to go to trial or to have papers typed, the lawyer can work on
another case. With enough clients, a lawyer never need be idle.
(Idle lawyers tend to become politicians, so there is a certain social
value in keeping lawyers busy.)"
First and above all he was a logician. At least thirty-five years of the half-century or so of his existence had been devoted exclusively to proving that two and two always equal four, except in unusual cases, where they equal three or five, as the case may be. - Jacques Futrelle, "The Problem of Cell 13"Most mathematicians are familiar with - or have at least seen references in the literature to - the equation 2 + 2 = 4. However, the less well known equation 2 + 2 = 5 also has a rich, complex history behind it. Like any other complex quantitiy, this history has a real part and an imaginary part; we shall deal exclusively with the latter here.Many cultures, in their early mathematical development, discovered the equation 2 + 2 = 5. For example, consider the Bolb tribe, descended from the Incas of South America. The Bolbs counted by tying knots in ropes. They quickly realized that when a 2-knot rope is put together with another 2-knot rope, a 5-knot rope results.Recent more...
Attn: IRS
Enclosed is my 1999 tax return & payment.
Please take note of the attached article from USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029). This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the use the above mentioned to fund a 1.5 inch screw." (See attached article...HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch phillips head screw.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.
Sincerely,
A satisfied taxpayer