Vampire Jokes / Recent Jokes
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a mummy? Something you wouldnt want to unwrap!
Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should we do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts. "Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouts Sis ter Mary Agnes. "Show him your cross," says more...
One night, a vampire walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a bloody mary. The bartender gave the vampire his bloody mary and after drinking it, the vampire left the bar.
The next night, the vampire walked into the bar again and asked the bartender for another bloody mary. The bartender gave the vampire his bloody mary and, again, after drinking it, the vampire left the bar.
The third night, the vampire walked into the bar and asked for a hot cup of water. The bartender, confused, asked the vampire, "Wait, aren't vampires supposed to drink blood?"
The vampire pulled out a used tampon and replied, "I'm about to. It's tea-time."
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Q: What do you call two lesbians with their periods?
A: Finger-painting
A ghost joke
What do ghosts have in the seats of their cars?
Sheet belts!
A ghost joke
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
A cannibal joke
Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said ”So that I can feed my lads with m’lasses!
A cannibal joke
Why would the cannibal only eat babies?
He was on a diet!
A ghost joke
Where do ghosts go on holiday?
The Ghosta Brava!
A vampire joke
Why wouldn’t the vampire eat his soup?
It clotted!
A skeleton joke
Why did the skeleton run up a tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
Whats the difference between a vampire and a cookie? You cant dip a vampire in your tea.
Did you hear about the doctor who crossed a parrot with a vampire? It bit his neck, sucked his blood, and said, Whos a pretty boy then? !
A vampire joke
What does a vampire say to the mirror?
Terror, terror on the wall…!
A skeleton joke
How do skeletons call their friends?
On the telebone!
A skeleton joke
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin!
A werewolf joke
Mummy, mummy what’s a werewolf?
Be quiet and brush your face!
A werewolf joke
What parting gift did the werewolf parents give to their son when he left home?
A comb!
A witch joke
What is evil, ugly and goes at 125 mph?
A witch on a high speed train!
A skeleton joke
What’s a skeleton’s favourite musical instrument?
A trom-bone!