Vampire Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food? He wanted something to get his teeth into.
A vampire joke
What did the vampire say after he had been to the dentist?
Fangs very much!
A vampire joke
What happened when the vampire went to the blood bank?
He asked to make a withdrawal!
A skeleton joke
What sort of soup do skeletons like?
One with plenty of body in it!
A werewolf joke
What happened to the werewlf who ate garlic?
His bark was worse than his bite!
A werewolf joke
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
I don’t know, but if it laughs I’ll join in!
A skeleton joke
What kind of plate does a skeleton eat off?
Bone china!
A skeleton joke
Which skeleton wears a kilt?
Boney Prince Charlie!
Why did Dracula miss lunch? Because he didnt fancy the stake.
A witch joke
What’s the best way of talking to a warty witch?
By telephone!
A werewolf joke
Why was the werewolf arrested at the butchers shop?
He was caught chop lifting!
A skeleton joke
What happened to the skeleton who went to a party?
All the others used him as a coat rack!
A skeleton joke
Why did the skeleton go to hospital?
To have his ghoul stones removed!
A vampire joke
What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower?
A bat mat!
A vampire joke
Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing?
He could really get into the vaultz!
A demon joke
What did the demon do when he bought a new house?
He called it “Gnome Sweet Gnome”!
-What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
-What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A leech quits sucking your blood after you die.
-What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
-What's the difference between a lawyer on a Harley and a vacuum cleaner?
The vacuum has the dirt bag on the inside.
-What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A vulture doesn't get Frequent Flyer points.
-What's the other difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Vultures can't take their wing tips off.
-What's one more difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Vultures wait' till you're dead to rip your heart out.
-What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
-What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the more...
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until he finally gave in.
"OK, follow me", he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Now do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"YES, YES, YES!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good," said the first bat, "because I didn't."
According to USA Today, Stpehanie Meyer authored the top four best selling books of 2009. The Bible, of course, is the best-selling book of all time. But think how many more copies could have been sold if Jesus was a vampire.