Vaseline Jokes

A
guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads
in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day
he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for
sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed
to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about
it with the owner.
"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you
gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty
simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside
and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
It protects it from the rain. In
fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my
tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it."
and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker.
He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's
ecstatic (being a Harley more...

And out of the night came the terrible scream,
"Who put the sand in the Vaseline!?"

A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes.
Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of vaseline, a rubber glove, and a beer.
When the doctor came in, the man said, "Look Doc, this is my first exam... I know what the vaseline is for... and I know what the glove is for... but what's the BEER for?" At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door.
The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Come on, nurse!!!... I said a BUTT LIGHT!"

Roger is buying his cousin's used motorcycle.
He says, "My God, it's so shiny! It's like new! What's your secret?"
His cousin says, "Well, any time it's about to rain, I coat the chrome with some Vaseline so it won't tarnish. In fact, I won't be needing this any longer, take my tube."
Roger and his girlfriend are going to her parents' house for dinner for the first time, so he goes to pick her up on the motorcycle.
As she's getting on the bike behind him, she says, "Listen, I have to tell you something. My family's a little strange. You can't talk during dinner. If you talk during dinner, you have to do the dishes."
When they walk into her parents' house, not only in the kitchen, but in the dining room, the living room, on the stairs, the back porch, everywhere, there are piles and piles of dirty dishes. They haven't done the dishes in months.
They sit down to eat, and the whole meal, nobody talks.
It's the end of the meal, more...

A market researcher was called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds.

When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, the answered was "Yes, we use it when we have sexual intercourse."

The interviewer was a little surprised. He said, "Everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge or some other purpose; but I know that most people really use it for sexual intercourse, they just don't like to say so. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me how you use it?"

"We put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out!"