Vegas Jokes / Recent Jokes

After an argument with his wife, a man stalked out of the house. He returned a few hours later to find his wife packing a suitcase. He angrily asked her where she was going."I'm moving to Las Vegas. I can make $400-500 there doing what I give you for free."The man thought about this for a moment, then pulled out his own suitcase and began packing. His wife asked where HE was going."I'm going to Las Vegas, too. I want to see how you manage to live on $800 a year!"

Final Confession
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"This one has changed for the occasion."
The President takes the day off from work to elude the press corps and Hillary. He decides to go golfing. Bill gives the slip to the Secret Service and ends up, unrecognized, at a small public course in Maryland.
He is on the 2nd hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to tee off when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron." The President looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove him wrong, puts his driver away and grabs his 9 iron.
Boom! He hits the ball 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.
He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?"
The Frog replies "Ribbit. Luck Frog."
The President decides to take him to the next hole. What do you think frog?" the President asks.
"Ribbit. more...

One night, a man woke up after hearing a voice telling him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Las Vegas."
Although he was disturbed, he ignored the voice and went about his business as usual. However, the next night the same voice came to him in a dream, with the same message. And so it went for weeks, with the same dream recurring every night, and the voice repeating the same message each time, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Las Vegas."
Unable to stand it any longer, he quit his job, sold his house, took all his money, and headed to Las Vegas.
When his plane landed and he disembarked, he heard the voice again, "Go to a casino, quickly." He immediately hopped in a cab and rushed to the nearest casino. As soon as he set foot inside, he heard the voice tell him, "Go to the roulette table."
As he reached the roulette table, the voice said, "Put all your money on 17." more...

A man takes a day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole, when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it, and is about to shoot when he hears
"Ribbit, 9 iron"
The man looks around and doesn't see anybody. So he gets ready again, when he hears
"Ribbit 9 iron"
He looks at the frog, and decides to prove him wrong. He puts away his club, and gets a 9 iron.
He whacked that ball, and it landed 10 in. from the cup! He was shocked, and looked at the frog, "Wow, that was amazing" he said "You must be a lucky frog then."
"Ribbit, Lucky Frog"
The man takes the frog to the next hole. "What do you think?" he said.
"Ribbit, 3 wood"
The man takes out his 3 wood, and hit the ball. Hole in 1! He was befuddled, and didn't know what to say.
He took the frog to every hole, and he golfed his best game.
"OK," said the man more...

In Las Vegas, there are many ministers who hold marriages. So in the middle of the night, a couple knock on the door of a church. One groom and one bride with a heavy veil so the face cannot be seen. The minister lets them in and they do the usual. After the marriage, the groom asks how much he should pay. The minister says the price is on the beauty of the bride. So the groom flips him a quarter. The minister suprised, he lifts the veil of the bride. The minister then says, "Hold on son, I owe you some change."