Vegas Jokes / Recent Jokes
WARNING: May be offensive to animal lovers, flood victims, Timothy McVeigh, Dan Quayle, Clarence Thomas, AOL, Lousianians, British Royalty, Los Angelenos, the IRS, smokers, President Clinton, Mafiosi, airline luggage handlers AND airline food preparers Includes reference to drug use, sex, God and doo doo heads...
Well folks, it's springtime, when a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of love, while his remote turns to the NCAA tournament.
After President Clinton injured his knee, his press secretary was asked if he had been given painkillers. The answer,' Yes, but he didn't swallow them.'
Al Gore is taking heat for his role in campaign fundraising. In true vice presidential form, he issued a statement saying,' This is becoming a real hot potatoe.'
The IRS wants to improve its image. They will no longer answer the phone with' Next victim', and their new mascot' Timmy the Tax Collector' will replace the Grim Reaper. (Daily Scoop)
Liggett Group Inc. is going to more...
A guy gets home from work one night and hears a little voice. The little voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the little voice.
The next day, when he gets home from work, the same thing happens. The little voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Again, the man ignores the little voice, though he is very troubled by the event.
Every day, day after day, the man hears the same little voice when he gets home from work, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Each time the man hears the little voice he becomes increasingly upset. Finally, after two weeks, he succumbs to the pressure. He does quit his job, sells his house, takes his money and heads to Vegas.
The moment the man gets off the plane in Vegas, the little voice tells him, "Go to Harrah's." So, he hops in a cab and rushes more...
The mayor of Las Vegas declared August 29th to be Paris Hilton Day, making the city's new slogan -
"What happens in Vegas stays in your immune system and can be transmitted through direct contact with bodily fluids such as blood, semen, vaginal fluids and breast milk."
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.He says,"What are you doing?"She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free!"Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.When she asks him where he's going, he replies..."I'm going to Vegas too. I want to see you live on $800 a year!"
A man tells his friend, Las Vegas is loaded with all kinds of gambling devices.
"Dice tables, slot machines, and wedding chapels."
Wayne Gretzky believes that Las Vegas will have an NHL team within five years. And his wife is willing to put 10 grand on it.
A successful businessman flew to Las Vegas for a weekend of gambling. Unfortunately, he lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his roundtrip ticket. If he could just get to the airport, he could get himself home. So, he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the driver. He promised to send the cabbie money from home, offered him his credit card numbers, his driver's license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. "If you don't have fifteen bucks, get the hell out of my cab," the cabbie yelled.
So, the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and arrived with barely enough time to catch his flight.
A year later, after having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, the businessman returned to Vegas and won big this time. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the more...