Verizon Jokes

Verizon Wireless has announced plans to offer full-length television shows for customers to watch on their cell phone.

I don’t know about this. Don’t we have a enough trouble driving while on the cell phone already? Now, soon you’ll be in the car, watching an episode of ‘Two and Half Men’ while you run over Two and Half Men.

After rap artist Akon brought a girl on stage during a concert and simulated having sex with her, cell phone giant Verizon pulled its sponsorship of the tour. A company spokesperson said, “If Akon is going to act like he’s screwing his customers, we prefer he do it more subtly, like with surcharges.”

In recent ads, Verizon promotes their DSL Internet service by pointing out its better than other companies’ dial up services. Borrowing from Verizon’s ad playbook, BMW is launching a new multi-billion dollar campaign that boasts the tagline: “BMW- Because they’re nicer than Kias.”

Employers across the country are complaining that laid-off Verizon workers are coming in looking for work and saying, "Can you hire me, now? Can you hire me, now? Can you hire me, now?"

My husband, his best friend, and I were out to lunch the other day when his friend pulled out his new Visor (a Palm-based PDA) with the Cingular-based cellphone attachment. We were discussing the limitations of the phone, namely that it can send instant messages to Cingular and Verizon cellphones, but not Internet-based email. He was attempting to demonstrate using my Verizon phone as the recipient.
“Ok, so what’s your cell number? ”
he asked eagerly. After he tapped in the number and started composing a message, I realized something.
“You know, we’re sitting less than four feet away from each other.. . . ”
I remarked.
“Yeah, ” my husband piped in.
“You could just talk to each other. ”
“No, no, no, ” I replied, opening my purse and taking out my Palm pilot.
“I meant you could just beam it to me! ”