Vermont Jokes / Recent Jokes

When it's laying on the ground like that, it's litter.

A teacher in a small Vermont town asks her class how many of them are John Kerry fans.
Not really knowing what a John Kerry fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy.
The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different.
Johnny says, "I'm not a John Kerry fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a John Kerry fan?"
Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan."
The teacher asks why he's a George Bush fan.
The boy says, "Well, my mom's a George Bush fan and my dad's a George Bush fan, so I'm a George Bush fan!"
The teacher is kind of angry, because this IS Vermont, so she asks, "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny says, "That would make me a John Kerry fan."

Teens in Brattleboro, Vermont have been going nude, legally, outraging the town's old fuddy-duddies, one of whom said, "It's a bad image for Brattleboro."
To be honest, I didn't previously realize that Brattleboro had an image at all.
But this one seems fine by me. Kind of Footloose-esque. Only it's not the foot that's loose.

Nowhere, Vermont
Sam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month.
After six months of near total isolation, he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and a big bearded Vermonter is standing there. He says, "Names Enoch...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come."
"Great," replies Sam. "After six months of living like this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me."
As Enoch is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you, though, there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of them."
Again, as he starts to leave, more...

Nowhere, VermontSam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month.After six months of near total isolation, he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and a big bearded Vermonter is standing there. He says, "Names Enoch...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come.""Great," replies Sam. "After six months of living like this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me."As Enoch is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you, though, there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of them."Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n more...

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?"
I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on.
"Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"
"A little. What's wrong?"
"Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened."
"How did you load the sheet?"
"It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident. So I folded it so only the recipient could open it and read it."
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.
"I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote control door unlocker. Now I can't get into more...