Video Jokes / Recent Jokes
Video games:*They almost always turn on when you want them to
*They are always ready to play when you are
*They are ready to play when you don't want to play
*They sometimes do stupid things that makes you want to hit them
*They try to please you with many different types of gamesThey are menComputers:*They hardly ever start up when asked to
*They don't ever want to make you happy
*If you try to play games with them, they crash on purpose.
*They are impossible to please
*They have the potential to provide more pleasure than video games, but refuse to do so on almost all occasions.
*They will freeze when you are sending emails to girls you like.They are women.
A master was explaining the nature of Tao to one of his
novices. "The Tao is embodied in all software-regardless
of how insignificant," said the master.
"Is Tao in a hand-held calculator?" asked the novice.
"It is," came the reply.
"Is the Tao in a video game?" continued the novice.
"It is even in a video game," said the master.
"And is the Tao in the DOS for a personal computer?"
The master coughed and shifted his position slightly.
"The lesson is over for today," he said.
Reprinted from The Tao of Programming.
You Know You're Addicted to Video Games When...
1.) Your wife tells you that you are, and your two kids; Mario, and Sonic; agree with her.
2.) Whenever something bad happens, you reach for the pause button.
3.) You can microwave and eat a pizza using only your feet.
4.) You've spent so much time playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4 - you actually taught youself how to skateboard.
5.) You've worn out the buttons in the elevator of your apartment.
6.) The only joystick you play with anymore is plugged in to your Xbox.
7.) You've decided you won't go outside anymore due to the 'tacky graphics, poor sound and low playability.'
8.) You've moved your PS2 into the bathroom - just in case you make it to the next level on Vice City.
9.) Your hands are so gnarled from gripping the controller, you can't even tie your shoes.
10.) You ask your doctor how many lives you have left.
11.) You actually get these jokes and tell them to other friends who are addicted more...
Titanic Video vs Clinton Video
TITANIC VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet.
CLINTON VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet.
TITANIC VIDEO: Over 3 hours long.
CLINTON VIDEO: Over 3 hours long.
TITANIC VIDEO: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, a subsequent catastrophe.
CLINTON VIDEO: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, a subsequent catastrophe.
TITANIC VIDEO: Villain: White Star Line.
CLINTON VIDEO: Villain: Ken Starr.
TITANIC VIDEO: Jack is a starving artist.
CLINTON VIDEO: Bill is a B.S. artist.
TITANIC VIDEO: In one part, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Bill.
TITANIC VIDEO: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Monica.
TITANIC VIDEO: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
CLINTON VIDEO: Let's not go there.
TITANIC VIDEO: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
CLINTON VIDEO: Monica's forced to return her gifts.
TITANIC VIDEO: Behind the scenes: Leonardo DiCaprio is wildly more...
In order for UNIX(tm) to survive, it must get rid of
its intimidating commands and outmoded jargon, and become compatible with
the existing standards of our day. To this end, our technicians have come
up with a new version of UNIX, System VI, for use by the PC - that is,
the "Politically Correct."
System VI Release notes
Utilities
"man" pages are now called "person" pages.
Similarly, "hangman" is now the
"person_executed_by_an_oppressive_regime."
To avoid casting aspersions on our feline friends, the "cat" command
is now merely "domestic_quadruped."
To date, there has only been a UNIX command for "yes" - reflecting
the male belief that women always mean yes, even when they say no. To
address this imbalance, System VI adds a "no" command, along with a
"-f[orce]" option which will crash the entire system if the "no" more...
A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds *VERY* stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.
"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static."
The Store Clerk replied, "Sorry about, that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"
To which the Blonde answered, "It's called' Head Cleaner'".
A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.
The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"
The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"