Video Jokes / Recent Jokes

When 11-year-old Gus Luna was able to play one of his favorite video games while recovering from exploratory brain cancer surgery, his mother breathed a sigh of relief.
"You should have seen the smile on little Gus' face when he beat that hooker to death!"

Many a true word is spoken in jest but.............
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1977 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up mates.

2007 - Police are called, Armed Response Unit arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. Mobiles with video of fight confiscated as evidence. They are charged with assault, ASBOs are taken out and both are suspended even though Johnny started it. Diversionary conferences and parent meetings conducted. Video shown on 6 internet sites.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students.

1977 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office and given 6 of the best. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Counseled to death. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra funding because Jeffrey has a disability. Drops out of school.

Scenario: Billy more...

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." "Sorry about, that," replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, she lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." "Sorry about, that," replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner."'

A blonde decides to do something wild that she has never done before, so she goes out to rent her first x-rated adult video.
After looking around the video store for a while, she selects a title that sounds quite stimulating to her.
She rushes home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable and puts the tape into the VCR. Much to her disappointment, there's nothing on the tape but static, so she calls the video store to complain.
"I just rented a video from you," she grumbles, "and there's nothing on the tape but static."
"I'm sorry about that," the clerk replies. "We have had a problem with some of the tapes. Could you tell me which title you rented?"
"It's called 'Head Cleaner'!" replies the blonde.

I went to the video shop and said "Can I have Batman Forever" - he said "No, just until tomorrow". I said "What about Another 48 Hours?". He said "No, tomorrow". I said "Have you got Spaceballs", he said, "No I'm just wearing baggy trousers".

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife’s activities. A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee. “I just can’t believe this, ” the distraught husband said. The detective said, “What’s not to believe? It’s right up there on the screen! ” The husband replied, “I can’t believe that my wife could be so much fun! ”