Video Jokes / Recent Jokes
A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.
The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"
The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"
NFL League owners have voted 30-2 to make the video replay system a permanent officiating tool. In related news, NFL League owners have voted 30-2 to make the video replay system a permanent officiating tool. The Detroit Lions will not use the replay system, as they always make the same mistakes anyway.
Joe Francis, the founder of the "Girls Gone Wild" video empire, was sentenced to community service for failing to monitor the ages of the women when he shot his videos. Many were 17 at the time.
Francis will also make a video called "Dads Gone Apoplectic", a collection of fathers' reactions when seeing their perfect little princesses hammered, topless and lezzing it up in a hot tub. Proceeds will go to memory-erasing drug research.
UFC is releasing a new video game, thrilling all the UFC fans who are in good enough shape to only play video games.
A blonde decides to do something wild that she hasn't done before -- rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.
The blonde says, "I just rented an adult movie from you, and there's nothing on the tape but static."
The store clerk replies, "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"
The blonde says, "It's called Head Cleaner."
Video Jam
When a video jammed in his VCR, Jessop Smith went to a Wilton Manors electronics store for help. When fixing his VCR, the workers there saw what was in the jammed tape and reported it to the police.
Police brought in a pediatrician who "certified the female children in the video to be under 18 years of age".
Next day cops posing as store clerks greeted Jessop and followed him to his home at 1232 NE 26th St., where a child porno was playing on a big screen TV.
Now Mr. Smith is in jam instead of his VCR.
Customer: "Looks like you guys really did it this time!"
Tech Support: "Did what, sir?"
Customer: "I bought one of your new video cards and called you people to find out how to install it."
Tech Support: "Yes... "
Customer: "Well, you people told me it was plug and play and all I had to do was plug it in and reboot my computer."
Tech Support: "That is the way it's supposed to work. What happened?"
Customer: "Well, I pulled the old card out and started to put the new one in... suddenly there was a blue flash and smoke started to come up. Now my darn computer won't work at all!"
Tech Support: "Are you saying you tried to plug the video card in while your computer was on?"
Customer: "Well, you people did say it was plug and play!!!"