Village Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was a tailor in a little village who was known to brutally attack and torture his wife by clobbering her head with a club and stab her with needles. The villagers decided that they should bring the tailor to justice, so they arrested him and took him to the village elders. The elders believed everyone should have a second chance, so they gave the tailor one last chance. They told him," We will give you one last chance for you and your wife to share sorrow and happiness together. If you don't, you will be sent to the gallows to be hanged." The villagers gleefully looked on as the tailor somberly walked home.
The first few weeks went well, but after that, the tailor started clobbering his wife on the head again. When he was brought to the village elders and asked for his alibi, the tailor said," I stayed true to my word, for when I hit my wife on the head, I am full of happiness and she is full of sorrow. When I miss, she is full of happiness and I am full of more...
There was just one cinema theater in the Village. The village people, though backward were very patriotic. In fact as a cinema screen the owner of the theater had installed a khaadi dhoti.
The villagers were very happy with the idea of a khaadi dhoti screen.
They decided to dedicate the theater to Mahatma Gandhiji, and named the theatre: GANDHI KI DHOTI
There was just one cinema theater in the Village. The village people, though backward were very patriotic.
In fact as a cinema screen the owner of the theater had installed a khaadi dhoti. The villagers were very happy with the idea of a khaadi dhoti screen. They decided to dedicate the theater to Mahatma Gandhiji, and named the theatre: GANDHI KEE DHOTI
If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of 100 people, with everything else remaining the same, it would look like this:
There would be:
* 57 Asians
* 21 Europeans
* 14 from the Western Hemisphere,
* 8 Africans,
* 52 would be female
* 48 would be male
* 70 would be non-white
* 30 would be white
* 70 would be non-Christian
* 30 would be Christian
* 95 would be heterosexual
* 5 would be homosexual
* 6 people would own 59% of the world's wealth, and all 6 would be from the United States and male.
* 80 would live in substandard housing
* 70 would be unable to read
* 50 would suffer from malnutrition
* 1 would be near death
* 1 would be near birth
* 1 would have a college education
* 1 would own a computer
* 0 would play oboe
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out behind the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.
One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing, and because the priest had heard that cock fights occurred in the village, he decided to question his parishioners about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.
"No, No, " he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up.
"No, No", he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women stood up.
"No, No", he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"
All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
One good turn gets most of the blankets. Keep your words soft and sweet ’cause you never know when you’ll have to eat ‘em. Life is like a shower - one wrong move and your in hot water. The best way to succeed in life is to start from scratch and keep scratching. Dead owls don’t give a hoot. The hardest thing in life is to do nothing - ’cause you never know when your finished. Never lick a gift horse in the mouth. Every village has a village idiot, except in Washington D. C. where idiot is plural. The world isn’t crazy, only 90% of it. The other 10% is certifiably insane. The pen stings worse than the sword, especially when you get ink in your eye. Politics is not an exact science, it s more like a sex ed. class